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The American Way of War
by Fred Reed
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Being a military thinker of the profoundest sort, I offer the
following manual of martial affairs for nations yearning to copy the American
way of war. Read it carefully. Great clarity will result. The steps limned
below will facilitate disaster without imposing the burden of reinventing it.
The Pentagon may print copies for distribution.
(1) Underestimate the enemy. Fortunately this is easy when a
technologically advanced power prepares to attack an underdeveloped nation. Its
enemy's citizens will readily be seen as gadgetless, primitive, probably
genetically stupid, and hardly worth the attention of a real military.
(2) Avoid learning anything about the enemy - his culture,
religion, language, history, or response to past invasions. These things don't
matter since the enemy is gadgetless, primitive, and probably genetically
stupid. Anyway, knowledge would only make the enlisted ranks restive, and
confuse the officer corps.
Blank ignorance of the language is especially desirable (as well as
virtually guaranteed). For one thing, it will allow your troops to be seen as
brutal invaders having nothing in common with the population; this helps in
winning hearts and minds. For another, it will allow English-speaking officials
of the puppet government to vet such information about the country as they
permit you to have.
(3) Explain the invasion to the American public in simple moral
terms suitable for middle-school children at an evangelical summer camp: We are
bombing cities to bring the gift of democracy and American values, or to defeat
some vague but frightening evil, perhaps lurking under the bed, or to get rid
of a bad dictator no longer of service to us, or to bring freedom and
prosperity to any survivors. (This doesn't work in Europe, which is honestly
imperialistic.) The public can then feel a sense of unappreciated virtue when
the primitives resist. Sententious moralism should always trump reason.
(4) A misunderstanding of military reality helps. Besides,
comprehension would only lead to depression. As Napoleon said, or may have, in
war the moral is to the material as three is to one, which implies that
unpleasant facts should be played down in favor of cultivating a cheerful
attitude. Most especially, it should not be noted that a few tens of thousands
of determined, probably genetically-stupid primitives with small arms can tie
down a cheerful force however gaudily armed.
Pay no attention to tactics, which are boring. It should never
enter your mind that in this sort of war, if you don't win, you lose; if the
enemy doesn't lose, he wins. Think about something else. Above all, do not
understand that the enemy's target is not you, but public opinion at home. You
don't need to remember this, as the enemy will remember it for you.
(5) Do not forget that a military's reason for existence is to
close with the enemy and destroy him. An army is not in the social-services
business. Do not let the mission be impeded by touchy-feely considerations. If
you have to kill seventeen children to get a sniper, so be it. The enemy must
realize that you mean business. Ignore cultural traits, which are of concern
only to idealistic civilians. Grope the enemy's women. High-profile rapes are a
good idea as they teach respect. It is better to be feared than loved. Be sure
the embassy has a helipad.
(6) Intellectual insularity should be a primary goal, as it avoids
distraction. This salubrious condition can be achieved by having officers read
Tom Clancy instead of history. In military discourse it also helps to encourage
the use of phrases like "force multiplier" and "multi-dimensional warfare," as
these increase confidence without meaning anything.
Remember that doctrine and optimism should always outweigh history
and common sense. Discourage colonels and above from reading about similar
campaigns fought by other armies, as this might lead to nagging doubts,
conceivably even to thought. Encourage the belief that other countries have
lost wars by being inferior to the United States. "The French lost in Viet Nam?
What else would you expect from the French? Never happen to us."
Some military philosophers favor actually removing from military
libraries books on what happened to the French in Viet Nam, the Americans in
Viet Nam, the Russians in Afghanistan, the Americans in Afghanistan (a work in
progress), the French in Algeria, the Americans in Iraq (also in progress), the
Israelis in Lebanon the first time, the Israelis in Lebanon the last time, the
Americans in Lebanon 1983, the Americans in Somalia the first time, and so on.
However, the best thinkers hold that it doesn't matter what books are in
military libraries, as only those on stirring victories will be checked out.
(7) Keep up to date with the latest nostrums and silver bullets.
Organize your military as a lean, mean, high-tech force characterized by
lightning mobility, enormous firepower, and extraordinary unsuitability for the
kind of wars it will actually have to fight. Flacks from the PR department of
Lockheed will help in this. Recognize that an advanced fighter plane costing
two hundred million dollars, invisible to radar, employing dazzling electronic
countermeasures, and able to cruise at supersonic speed, is exactly the thing
for fighting a rifleman in a basement in Baghdad. Such aircraft are crucial
force multipliers in multi-dimensional warfare. Anyway, Al Quaeda might field
an advanced air force at any moment. It pays to be ready.
(8) It is a good idea to bracket your exposure. Be ready for wars
past and future, but not present. The Pentagon does this well. Note that the
current military, an advanced version of the WWII force, is ready should the
Imperial Japanese Navy return. It also has phenomenally advanced weaponry in
the pipeline to take on a space-age enemy, perhaps from Mars, should one
appear. It is only the present for which the US is not prepared.
(9) View things in a large context. People who have little
comprehension of the military tend to focus exclusively on winning wars,
missing the greater importance of the Pentagon as an economic flywheel. Jobs
are more important than wars fought in bush-world countries. An American
military ought to think of Americans first. This is simple patriotism. It is
essential to spend as much money as possible on advanced weapons that have no
current use, and none in sight, but produce jobs in congressional districts.
Good examples are the F-22 fighter, the F-35, the Airborne Laser, the V-22, and
the ABM.
(10) Insist that the US military never loses wars. Instead, it is
betrayed, stabbed in the back, and brought low by treason. For example, argue
furiously that the US didn't lose in Viet Nam, but won gloriously; the
withdrawal was due to the treachery of Democrats, Jews, hippies, the press,
most of the military, and a majority of the general population, all of whom
were traitors. This avoids the unpleasantness of learning anything from defeat.
Further, it facilitates a focus on controlling the press, who are the real
enemy, along with the Democrats and the general population.
(11) Avoid institutional memory. Not having lost of course means
that there is nothing to remember. Instead, read stirring novels and cultivate
a cheerful, can-do attitude unintimidated by primitives in sand-lot countries,
who are probably genetically stupid.
(12) Do it all again next time.
January 25, 2007
Fred Reed is author of Nekkid in Austin: Drop Your Inner Child Down
a Well and the just-published A Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire to Be.
Copyright © 2007 Fred Reed
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