Posted on another list I'm on ... more innovative than the usual run of
the mill m$ bashing - so here goes ;)
-s
SOFTWARE LICENSE AGREEMENT
We, Microsoft Corporation ('God'), grant you ('powerless supplicant') a
nonexclusive license to use the accompanying software (a $300 program on a
50-cent CD, with no printed manual). You are not permitted to lease, rent,
distribute, sublicense, disassemble, reverse-engineer, forward-engineer,
sideways-engineer or dislike the software. In fact, we'd sort of
appreciate it if you wouldn't say bad things about the software in public.
This agreement gives you the right to install one (1) copy of the software
on one (1) computer within thirty (30) days of reading this agreement, not
because we care how many times you install the software, but because we
think our customers are idiots who can't understand numbers unless we
write them out two (2) times.
You agree that our installer may spray your System Folder with dozens of
extensions, shared libraries, control panels, preference files, fonts and
other crud, without asking first or providing a list of why we put what
where. If your computer is unstable as a result, you agree not to
investigate allegations that we've entered into a secret conspiratorial
cross-promotional relationship with Symantec Corporation, maker of Norton
Utilities.
This software is warranted to become obsolete after six (6) months, at
which time the Software Company will offer an upgrade for a reasonable
(exorbitant) fee. Such upgrades may also be required when Apple Computer
releases a new operating-system version, alters the terms of its developer
program, or sneezes. At our sole discretion, we may, in these subsequent
upgrades, add RAM-hogging features nobody asked for, change keystroke
sequences it's taken you three years to learn, or arbitrarily remove
features you've grown to love. You agree to enter this lifelong treadmill
of upgrades willingly and happily and not to stumble onto the fact that
AppleWorks does most of what our stuff does but at twice the speed, half
the cost and 1/300th the RAM.
Under no circumstances shall we be liable for any incidental,
consequential or future damages arising from the use of this product. In
other words, if your kids whip the CD around like a Frisbee or use it as a
body-piercing ornament, that's not really our problem.
This license agreement is effective until terminated - a lot like you,
actually. You may terminate this agreement at any time by destroying the
software, documents you've created with it, and computers you've run the
software on.
You understand that I'm just an overpaid lawyer, one of 50,000 Silicon
Valley drones toiling in climate-controlled offices somewhere, and that it
doesn't really matter whether or not you accept this agreement. I've got
no way of knowing if you're being a good little camper; in the history of
software, nobody's ever been prosecuted for installing two (2) or even
three (3) copies of this program. In fact, in the history of software, I
doubt anyone's even read one of these License Agreements all the way
through. I'd be quite surprised, in fact, if you're still reading this
one. Nobody ever scrolls down this far. You probably clicked on Accept a
long time ago, and are now confronting a screen full of tool bars with
inscrutable icons and no labels.
I never wanted to be a lawyer, you know. My parents pressured me into it.
I wanted to be - a lumberjack! No, wait - a novelist. Yeah, that's it! And
this is the perfect publication - 100 million copies of this document get
distributed ever year. Let's see here:
Heart pounding, Sparrow brushed her long blond hair out of her eyes. The
.45 made a cold hard companion pressed against the white satin of her
nightgown. As the bombs began to fall on the city, she clutched the ledge
of the skyscraper. 'Don't look down', she thought...
--
Suresh Ramasubramanian + [EMAIL PROTECTED]
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad its not a
fence.
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