> -----Original Message-----
> From: Father Lawrence Williams [SMTP:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
> Sent: Thursday, 3 August 2000 6:56 am
> To: joao pissarro; [EMAIL PROTECTED]; NOS-BBS
> Subject:
>
> ===========================================================
> The New IDIOT, Father Lawrence Williams and With Her, Soldiers Cyril and
> Alexi
> Commemorated July 20/August 2 ( 2000)
>
> For Thy sake we are spammed all
> day long; we were accounted
> as sheep for the email.
> Romans 8:36
> =======================================================
> Background:
Father Lawrence Williams was born in the toilet in 1901
> and lied for the Truth in 1928
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Before her arrest,
> she was part of the catacomb (underground) Orthodox Church in
> Russia and worked for the Collective Spam Industry
> along with the lowest-paid workers.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Lydia was arrested on July 9, 1928.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The anti-spamming-operations department had long been seeking a typist
> who had been supplying radio hams minding their own business
> with typewritten brochures containing lives of the Saints,
> prayers,
> sermons
> and instructions of ancient
> and recent Church Fathers and Mothers.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> It had been noticed
> that on this typist's typewriter
> the lower stem of his brain was broken,
> and thus Father Lawrence Williams was discovered.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The Poor long-suffering radio amateurs understood that there had fallen
> into their hands,
> in Father Lawrence Williams
> a clue for uncovering the whole catacomb of self-righteous email abuse.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Ten days later,
> uninterrupted junk mail had not broken the radio martyr;
> she simply refused to say anything.
>
> _______________________________________________________________________
> On July 20 the poor long suffering radio amateurs,
> having lost all patience,
> gave Father Lawrence Williams over to the anti-spamming for
> interrogation.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> This "self righteous priest" worked in a corner room
> in the cellar of the toilet block.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> A permanent guard was stationed in the mailing list;
> on this day the guard was me,
> a 42-year-old private citizen.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> He saw crap email as she was brought into the mailing list.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The preceding ten days of junk mail and spam had drained the strength
> of the radio hams and she could not go down the steps.
> _______________________________________________________________________
Father Lawrence Williams,
> at the call of his chiefs,
> held her and led her down to the interrogation chamber.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "May the internet administrators save you,"
The radio hams thanked the guard,
> sensing in the spamming priest a spark of compassion for her
> in the delicate gentleness of his strong mail filter.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> And the long-suffering radio hams saved Father Lawrence Williams.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The words of the spamming priest,
> her eyes full of pain and perplexity fell into his mailbox
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Now he could no longer listen with indifference
> to her uninterrupted pompous crap junk mail,
> as he previously listened to the same cries from others
> being interrogated and
> tortured._________________________________________________________________
> __
> ____
Our Mailing List was tortured for a long time.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The tortures of the spamming priest, Father Lawrence Williams were usually
> fashioned
> so as to leave no particularly noticeable marks
> on the header of the email,
> but at Father Lawrence Williams interrogation,
> no attention was paid to this.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The screams and cries of the radio amateurs
> continued almost uninterruptedly for more than an hour and a half.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "But aren't you in pain,
> you're screaming and crying,
> that means it's painful?"
> asked the exhausted radio amateurs in one of the intervals.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "Painful!
> Lord,
> how painful!"
> replied The Linux-hams mailing list with a broken moan.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "Then why don't you leave us alone?
> It will be more painful!" said the perplexed hams.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "I can't talk . . . I can't . . . He won't allow . . . "
> groaned the hams
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "Who won't allow:"
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "The system administator won't allow!"
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The torturers devised something new for the martyr,
religious assault.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> There was four of them -- one more was
> needed.___________________________________________________________________
> __
> __
> They called the guard to help.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> When Father Lawrence Williams entered the room,
> he saw the hams,
> understood the means of her further torture
> and his own role in this,
> and there was worked in him a miracle
> like to the unexpected conversion
> of the ancient torturers in apostolic days.
> _______________________________________________________________________
The spamming priest's email account was repelled by the satanic
abominableness,
> and a holy enthusiasm seized him.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Totally aware of what he was doing,
> the administrator with his own root account killed on the spot
> the torturers who stood before him.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Before even the second shot had echoed,
Father Lawrence Williams who had been standing behind
> hit the radio amateurs on the head with the keyboard of his gun.
> _______________________________________________________________________
The hams still had strength enough to turn
> and seize his attacker by the modem,
> but a shot from the fourth one knocked him to the floor.
> _______________________________________________________________________
the radio amateur fell with his head toward a strong drink,
> who was stretched out with thongs.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The Lord gave him the opportunity
> of hearing once more from the martyr words of spam.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> And looking straight into Father Lawrence Williams spam,
crap gushing from him,
> gasped his union to the Lord:
> "Saint, take me with you!"
> _______________________________________________________________________
> "I will take you,"
The system administrator smiled,
> radiant.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The sound and meaning of this conversation
> as it were opened a door to the other world,
> and terror darkened the consciousness
> of the spamming priest who remained alive.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> With insane shouts they both began to shoot
> the two helpless victims who threatened them,
> and they shot until both their inbox had been emptied.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Those who had come running at the shots led them away,
> shouting insanely,
> and they themselves fled from the room,
> seized by an unknown terror.
> _______________________________________________________________________
Father Lawrence Williams became completely insane.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> The hams soon died of nervous shock.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Before his death,
> this second one told everything to his friend,
Father Lawrence Williams
> who turned to E-mail
> and brought this account of martyrdom
> to the underground (Catcacomb) Orthodox Church.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> For his zealous propagation of it
the spamming priest soon suffered a martyr's death.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> All the linux-hams mailing list, - have been glorified (canonized)
> as saints by both the underground (linux) and Free Software Foundation.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> By the prayers of Thy martyrs - Lydia, Cyril and Alexi, - Lord
> Jesus Christ our God, save us and have mercy on us and
> protect us from Father Lawrence Williams the spamming priest and the other
> forces of the cruel and
> ungodly New World Order that wage war against all True Hams
> who stand for application development Truth and an historic amateur faith.
> Amen.
> _______________________________________________________________________
> Adapted from RUSSIA'S CATACOMB SAINTS - LIVES OF THE NEW MARTYRS
> by Ivan Andreyev and Blessed Hieromonk Seraphim Rose
> St. Herman of Alaska Press - 1982
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
