Sender: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
It was January 1, 2000. Hangovers were waning and the feared Y2K disasters
had not materialized. And the world was happy for it was still there.
However, as the evening arrived and the neon flickered on in Times Square,
the world found Jesus Christ, Moses, Mohammed, and the Buddha floating a few
inches above Duffy Square. The media poured out from the surrounding towers
and encased them in a barbed wall of microphones and lenses.
Shading their eyes from the heavenly glow the gathered inquisitors sent
forth the bravest amongst them to ask a question, and trembling she asked:
"Your most Holy Ones. Have you come to tell us that this is the end?
Judgement day? What is to happen to us? And I have a follow up question."
The Buddha floated forward, smiled, and said, "Hey, don't pee in your pants.
We've grown bored up there and find this Internet thing just too cool to
miss. We've come to be full participants in this new age, totally involved.
We want to be in the middle of things and want to be on the Board of
Directors of the ICANN."
They then detailed their plans. They said they'd initially considered
sending the interim board to hell and just taking over. One report had Moses
commenting that, "the bastards deserve it." But to the delight of all they
announce that the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution were
really their creations, that they believed in democracy, and that they would
run for seats on the At Large Council under the newly adopted ICANN Article
II bylaws. They said they'd be running as a slate under the name "The Holly
Ones", and urged all their followers to register and vote.
By March 12, 2000 the magic 5,000 "membership" number was passed, and an
election was called for April 15. When the 15th arrived the world learned
that, with the Vatican having turned every confessional on the planet to a
public voting kiosk, 92,452,908 people had registered to vote for the 18
seats on the At Large Council.
On the 16th, when the votes were tallied, The Holly Ones had received
92,444,287 of the votes cast. With 99.999987% of the vote, Jesus, speaking
for the triumphant slate announced that they anticipated an early meeting
of the At Large Council and a swift swearing in to the ICANN board. The full
vote result as released by ICANN was as follows:
Candidate Finish Votes
Jesus Christ 1 83,359,876
Moses 2 4,898,342
Mohammed 3 2,328,654
Buddha 4 2,130,876
Madelyn M. O'Hare 5 9,489
ISOC Candidate #1 6 71
ISOC Candidate #2 7 57
ISOC Candidate #3 8 14
ISOC Candidate #4 9 13
ISOC Candidate #5 10 9
ISOC Candidate #6 11 9
ISOC Candidate #7 12 8
ISOC Candidate #8 13 8
ISOC Candidate #9 14 8
ISOC Candidate #10 15 7
ISOC Candidate #11 16 7
ISOC Candidate #12 17 7
ISOC Candidate #13 18 3
On April 19, when the At Large Council met to select the 9 At Large members
to the ICANN Board, things went a awry for the Holly Ones.They found
themselves outvoted on the At Large Council and none were voted to fill the
At Large seats on the ICANN Board. Instead, the ISOC slate voted 9 of their
own to fill the seats. Mohammed eyed the ISOC slate and ran his fingers over
the blade of his sword. But Moses intervened saying, "Be still, be still.
Remember the commandments, the commandments will prevail."
But it was all over. Snickering, the ISOC 9 departed by flyingcarpet.com for
their swearing in ceremony at the Grand Katmandu Hilton the next day. Slack
jawed, the Holly ones stared in disbelief, apparently unaware that clever
had taken over for just.
They were last seen heading for a cold one at the Callicoon Saloon.
By Thomas Lowenhaupt
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
