Redmond, Wash. Nov. 11. 1999 In direct response to accusations made the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "Its actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone". Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval Office of the White House with U. S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal: The United Sates will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q 4 2000," according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. Clinton smiled and referred to is as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record," and that U. S, citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence." Clinton will reputedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has earned as president, in his new role at Microsoft. Gates dismissed a suggestion that the US Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly", though he did say that he would make executive decisions for the US government from his existing office at Microsoft headuarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're doing". When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that disussions are taking place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft products. About Microsoft Corporation: Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ, "MSFT") the world wide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal computing and free society every day. About the United States: Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corp. -- [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] �A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." --Sir Barnett Cocks
