A collegue gave me the list below. It was too good not to share.
(Especially if you've ever had to deal with employees, customers,
students, ... Have I managed to offend everyone yet?)
-jn-
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Performance Evaluation Summaries
The comment section on many evaluations is sometimes left blank because
managers aren't sure what should be listed. Here's a collection of
phrases you can add to upcoming evaluations to spice them up a bit.
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't-be.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
together.
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
He doesn't have ulcers; he's a carrier.
I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
He's been working with glue too much.
He would argue with a signpost.
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
other one.
A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
