Paul Steed, programmer 'Quake' ngejawab berbagai pertanyaan :)))
oleh2 dari planetquake.com :
How To Seduce A Woman, Steed-Style
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I'm a nineteen year old male with what I would assume to be a
pretty much average sex drive. I masturbate a little less than
once a day, and think about how to score with women I know
at least once a day. The only problem is, I can't even get a
girl to sneeze at me. Now, I think I'm a pretty attractive guy
(at least that's what my mom tells me), and I've had a number
of girlfriends over the years. But for the last six months or so,
I've seen less action than my three year old nephew. God
knows, it isn't for a lack of trying. It drives me insane. It
seems that I'm always thinking about how to get a girlfriend,
or simply trying to 'score.' Women are really one
of the primary sources of frustration and suffering in my life.
Now, right now you're probably thinking "Man, just be patient,
some day the right girl will come along." But that's not what I
want. To be honest, I simply want it to end. Schopenhauer
said that it is our desire of things is what causes our
suffering. The only way to end suffering is to sublimate the
will. I agree. The real reason I'm writing, is that I want advice
on how to forget about women. I want to put them out of my
life, and to desire them no more.
So what is your advice? Hormone suppressants?
Self-flagulation? Castration? Frontal lobotomy? All these
things I've considered, but none leaps out as a good choice.
Which is why I turn to you, oh Wise One. Please, ease me of
this unending pain known as women.
-Desperado (???)
Paul:
See, it's like this, Horn Dog. All normal men think about sex
around 95% of the time and fantasize about gettin' busy with
every hotty or near hotty or someone with one or two 'hotty'
attributes every waking minute. The only problem with that is
actually coming on to any of those potential BIZ partners.
Don't do it without collecting and dampening junior down a
little. Always remember women smell desperation like a dog
smells fear. BE COOL! Give her a look and then play a little
hard to get. Stay in her view, try to check her out a little
when she's not looking (if she is interested she's looking out
the corner of her eye at you, trust me) but don't STARE. I
don't know what you mom's told you besides you're 'cute as a
button', but she needs to tell you women don't really find
predictable, pedestal-putting men very sexually stimulating.
They want a little challenge and a little mystery and a lot of
DANGER. They want a BAD man to rev their engine. Next
time you're in a social setting and you get a groove going with
a girl, don't walk up to her and say "uh, Hey. How's it
going?". Walk up to her, keeping her eyes with yours, stand
right in front of her a little to the right maybe brushing up
against her jutting breasts
lightly as you lean over to whisper in her ear. Instead of
speaking, though, just nuzzle the side of her neck a bit and
breath in the scent of her hair. Real slow. Then just smile,
step back a little and ask her her name. The rest will happen
if you can actually close the deal.
Go! GO, GO, GO! It works! It really does!
What To Do When She Don't Do You
---------------------------------------------
I love my wife very much. She's the mother of my children,
and my partner in life. I still love her now as I did the day I
met her. I want to make love to her all the time. Here in lies
my problem. She will have sex with me, but usually only by
appointment, once every couple months. I'd like it once every
couple days! After much begging on my part, she'll say
"tomorrow night". And then tomorrow rolls around and we get
some good old fashioned missionary sex. She never initiates
it, there's no foreplay except a little kissing, she won't touch
me "down there", and of course she refuses to play the
skinflute, saying only that she's "not comfortable" with that.
She says she's not turned on and in fact is disgusted by my
body... but claims she loves me very much and wants to be
with me.
I've had a few lovers before my wife, and was always very free
and adventurous with them. I really want that with my wife
too, but she just won't hear of it. I get depressed every time I
hear about our friends' normal sex lives. How can I live the
rest of my life like this?
-Screwed (Not!)
Paul:
Number one I hope the hell you're not talking to others about
this kinda stuff. If the wife found out she'd definitely kick your
ass to the tune of 'Once A Year'. So how long exactly do you
last in your 'appointments'? Hours? Minutes? Seconds?
See it sounds like we got a classic performance problem
here. Listen. You need to give her the ole DOD (Richard Of
Death) if you want seriously frequent follow-up appointments.
Since you're married you don't have to worry about giving your
DOD to the wrong person (reserve the DOD to the ones you
want coming back - they'll never forget it, trust me. A stalker
could easily be born...) The DOD is what you might call the
'all nighter'. Get my drift? You need to permanently imprint
your mattress with her backside. We're talking a long sesh,
Mate. Take matters in hand and do what it takes
BEFOREhand if you have to, but do what you have to. Bring
out the big guns because once she get's the DOD, you're the
one that'll be handing out appointment slips. She will wander
around in a sex-starved frenzy waiting for you to get home to
get some more of THAT.
Just remember, MEMORABLE is the key word here.
Try the alphabet, too. Especially 'M'.
Teaching Teach A Thing Or Two (Or Three..)
--------------------------------------------------------
I've got this hottie polysci prof this term. She's got that whole
"hair in a bun business suit tigress lurking within" older
woman vibe going on. I ran into her at a billiard hall of all
places, and believe it or not she plays Quake! She told me
her nick and we played on a server a few days later, and truth
be told she kicked arse. I feel something stirring down below
with her now. Is it wrong to snack on a teacher's taco? Even
if we're both adults? I think I really want her.
-School Boy
Paul:
Teach that Ho a few things, dammit. She wants you, dude
and you would be remiss in your duties as a MAN not to shag
the teacher. Just beware that if it ain't done right (see above)
then you may end up getting a bad grade. You just practice
your A,B,C's on that burrito supremo, SB!
Quake? Erections? Wha?
--------------------------------
How in the hell is it that these freaks find Quake arousing?
What is the MATTER with you people?!
-Dumbass
Paul:
Why the hell are you even writing in? Quake is the single
most amazing phenomena on the internet. It has POWER.
Women find POWER arousing. Men like running around with
their big weapon held out in front of them, blasting away in
orgasmic glee.
Jeesh. Get a clue.
Hitting On The Ole Adrianator
-------------------------------------
I am a young (19) year old bi-sexual male. Do you think I
have a chance with Adrian Carmack? I heard he's single, is it
true? can you hookme up? please??
-Luv Buns
Paul:
Adrian has a hot, young wife. I really don't think your butt is
anywhere near as nice as hers. I really think you should get
out more.
Please don't have thoughts like that again.
"Richard Of Death" itu apaan sih...? :))
- S P O N Z -
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