Dear Mohit, Thank you very much for shepherding the document and for your helpful review!
As you may have seen, version -06 was just submitted. Hopefully, this version should address your comments. https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-06 Please let us know whether any further changes are needed. Cheers, Carles > Dear all > > The chair has asked me to do the shepherd write up for > draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-05. > > I have gone through the document again and I have some comments that I > think should be addressed first. Most of them are minor and editorial in > nature. It would be great if the authors can fix them quickly (possibly > by next week?). I will then submit my writeup. Here are the list of > issues: > > 1. The abstract is little hard to read and understand. Here is an > alternative suggestion: > > This document describes the challenges for energy-efficient protocol > operation on constrained devices and the current practices used to > overcome those challenges. It summarizes the main link-layer techniques > used for energy-efficient networking, and it highlights the impact of > such techniques on the upper layer protocols so that they can together > achieve an energy efficient behavior. The document also provides an > overview of energy-efficient mechanisms available at each layer of the > IETF protocol suite specified for constrained node networks. > > 2. Please check the spacing between the term and its citation. "The IETF > has developed a suite of Internet protocols suitable for such > constrained devices, including 6LoWPAN ([RFC6282 > <https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6282>],[RFC6775 > <https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6775>],[RFC4944 > <https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc4944>]), RPL[RFC6550], and > CoAP[I-D.ietf-core-coap]." For example, RPL[RFC6550] should by > RPL_space_[RFC6550]. > > 3. Typo in the following text. "This document tries to summarize the > design considerations of making the IETF contrained protocol suite as > energy-efficient as possible." First, "contrained" should be > "constrained". Replace "of" with "for" so the text would be: "summarize > the design consideration *for* making the IETF constrained....". > > 4. Perhaps tone down the wording here, especially the word > "comprehensive": "it provides a comprehensive overview of the techniques > used by the lower layers to save energy and how these may impact on the > upper layers" > > 5. It is generally a good practice to expand all acronyms once before > you use them in the document. For example in Section 2 "Overview", > currently RPL is used without ever expanding the term and there is no > citation. > > 6. Please explain what are atom operations and common atom operations. > > 7. What are UWB links? Again an acronym is used with no expansion or > citation. > > 8. Section 3.1 "Radio Duty Cycling techniques" typo: "Receiver Initated > Transmission (RIT)" should be "Receiver Initiated Transmission (RIT)" > > 9. Section 3.5.2, please expand TDMA, 3.5.3 please expand PAN, CSMA, CA. > > 10. In section 3.5.3, it says "6TiSCH working group has been recently > created". Perhaps this is text leftover from old versions. 6TiSCH is no > longer recently created? > > 11. Section 6.2, "none of these proposal has been adopted by the CoRE > working group". This is also old information now. The pub sub draft has > been adopted. Perhaps you also want to cite the other LWIG document that > talks about sleepy nodes: > https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-lwig-crypto-sensors-01 > > 12. Section 7: please replace "synergize" with another term more > appropriate. "lower layer other than treating the lower layer as a black > box" should be "lower layer rather than treating the lower layer as a > black box". > > 13. Typos in Section 7: "compresss" should be "compress" and > "non-sychronzed" should be "non-synchronized". > > Overall, thanks for the useful draft. I hope that you can quickly > address the comments so that it can move forward. > > --Mohit > _______________________________________________ > Lwip mailing list > Lwip@ietf.org > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/lwip > _______________________________________________ Lwip mailing list Lwip@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/lwip