Dear Peter, Thanks a lot for your helpful review.
We plan to incorporate your suggestions in the next revision of the draft. Best regards, Carles > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Issues > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please wait for direction from your > document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-lwig-energy-efficient-08 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2017-12-09 > IETF LC End Date: None > IESG Telechat date: 2018-01-11 > > Summary: This Informational Track specification discusses aspects of > network > protocol design that can negatively affect energy consumption of > constrained > nodes. It's generally informative, although it doesn't provide much > specific > guidance on how its recommendations can be accomplished. Ready with > Issues. > > Major issues: > > Minor issues: > > Page 8, section 3.6.1, section title: this whole section refers to IEEE > 802.11, > but there is no reference to primary specification given. Furthermore, a > specific version of IEEE 802.11 should be cited. The current version is > IEEE > 802.11-2016. Reference to IEEE 802.11v is made further down in this > section, > but in fact IEEE 802.11v was incorporated and subsumed into IEEE > 802.11-2012 > and need not be separately cited any longer. IEEE considers IEEE 802.11v > to be > a superseded standard. > > Page 9, 6th paragraph: this paragraph should be expanded and clarified. > It > makes the implied assumption that the protocol is operating on a > constrained > node, but there are (generally) two sides to a protocol. The remote side > may > not be aware of the constrained nature of the device with which it is > communicating. And in fact, it may be communicating with a mix of > constrained > and unconstrained devices, so without some form of signaling, it will not > necessarily know to synchronize with parameters that are complementary to > the > needs of the constrained device. While I understand what the paragraph is > saying, it gives the topic short shrift. > > Nits/editorial comments: > > General: > > Append a comma after occurrences of i.e. and e.g. > > Specific: > > Page 1, Abstract, 2nd sentence: delete the comma. > > Page 3, 2nd full paragraph, 1st sentence: insert a space before each of > "[RFC6775]" and "[RFC4944]". > > Page 3, section 1.1: insert "and" between "[RFC7228]" and > "[I-D.bormann-lwig-7228bis]". > > Page 8, section 3.4, 3rd sentence: the sentence refers to "the next > subsection", but in fact that should be a point to subsection 3.6. Either > re-order subsections 3.4 and 3.5 to make the reference correct or change > to an > explicit "subsection 3.6". > > Page 8, section 3.6.1, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: change "the latter" to > "it". > > Page 9, 5th paragraph: change "client initiated" to "client-initiated". > Change > "network assisted" to "network-assisted". Change "Idel" to "Idle". > Change > both occurrences of "save" to "saving". > > Page 9, section 3.6.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the second > "IPv6". > > Page 10, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "since" to "from". > > Page 10, section 3.6.3, last sentence: chance "functionalites" to > "functionalities". > > Page 13, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after "At the MAC > level". > > Page 13, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "a" before "paging". > > Page 13, 1st paragraph, 9th sentence: change "check" to "checking". > > Page 13, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "dummybearer" to "dummy > bearer". > > Page 13, 2nd paragraph, 7th sentence: insert "a" before "longer". Change > "a" > before "energy" to "an". > > Page 14, section 4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "energy-efficient" > to > "energy efficient". > > Page 14, section 4, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "then" to "the" > before > "6LoWPAN". > > Page 15, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change "alternative" to > "alternatively". > > Page 15, section 5, 2nd paragraph, 6th sentence: change "energy-friendly" > to > "energy friendly". > > Page 15, section 5, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "allows to > provide" > with "provides". > > Page 17, section 6.4, 1st sentence: substitute "encodes" for "allows to > encode". > > Page 18, section 9, 2nd paragraph: insert "The" before "Authors" and make > "Authors" lowercase. > > Page 18, section 9, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before > "IESG". > Change "IETF87" to "IETF 87". > > Page 18, section 9, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change "Jaeglli" to > "Jaeggli". > > Page 19, section 11: change "the energy efficient" to "energy-efficient". > > Page 19, IEEE80211v reference: drop the period after "Management". > > _______________________________________________ Lwip mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/lwip
