From
<http://www.engadget.com/2006/03/01/switched-on-when-you-wish-upon-a-
star/> and thence 'Steve' on UseNet:
"To: All Disney staff
From: Executive Committee
Re: Organizational Changes
As many of you are aware, Disney recently acquired Pixar, which has
resulted
in changes to our corporate governance. After extensive consultations
with
our revised Board of Directors, we would like to share the following
announcements, starting with changes to our trademark animated
characters:
Mickey Mouse has long been Disney's most recognizable ambassador.
However,
our Board now feels that the two suspender buttons on his shorts are too
confusing; Mickey will henceforth be a one-button mouse. Mickey's mouth
will
also be enhanced with a blue tooth and rolling your finger across his
spherical nose will enable 360-degree scrolling freedom. Pulling on
Mickey's
tail will no longer hurt him; it will gracefully detach using patented
magnetic connector technology.
Mickey's companion Minnie Mouse has also been incredibly popular, and
today
we're announcing that she will be replaced by a new model, nano Mouse.
Nano
Mouse is a half the size of Minnie Mouse, thin enough to be on the
cover of
Vogue, can use many of Minnie's accessories and – please note,
animators –
will not be permitted to skip.
Each year, millions of families come to our renowned theme parks to
interact
with our beloved costumed characters. However, our Board feels that the
haphazard way in which they circulate the grounds is inefficient. Now
children will be free to visit one of their animated pals at the
snow-white
Goofy Bar, where they will be able to receive attention in real time.
Goofy’s face has also been redesigned in a way that, our attorneys
advise
us, bears only coincidental resemblance to our former CEO Michael
Eisner.
In other theme park news, guests who have grown weary walking the
expanses
of our attractions will now be able to use new Walkomator technology to
automate repetitive steps. Our popular attraction "Pirates of the
Caribbean"
will be renamed "Licensed Users of the Caribbean" effective
immediately. A
specially priced family pack will be available. Our home entertainment
division, Buena Vista Entertainment, will now be called Buena Leopard
Entertainment. In addition, for a limited time, the famous "mouse ears"
caps
that have long graced the heads of Mouseketeers will come with 100
iTunes
songs; we will soon announce a partnership with a major cell phone
provider
to distribute these 100-song caps.
Disney cruise ships will no longer be permitted to sail into any ports
that
use old technology, such legacy ports are too expensive to maintain.
Rather,
we will insist that any ports wishing to accommodate our ships include
a new
docking connector that the company will license for a reasonable fee.
New
hydraulics technology included on the boats will enable them to bounce
a few
times as they are being launched from the dock.
Finally, we regret to inform you that the computers controlling the
cryogenic chamber containing the frozen remains of our founder have been
replaced with computers running Mac OS X, and now, sadly, no longer
freezes."
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