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The Biblical Account of the Beginning of the Internet
Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did
take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was
a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she
was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town
to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a
camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to
send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you
who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by
Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the
goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying,
Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must
Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit
ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new
riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real
riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates,
who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to
be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to
be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said
Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
(GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the
countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything
(GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
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