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> > 1. CURL UP AND DIE
> > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" > > - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX > > > > 2. PAD PLEASE: > > An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. > > - Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC > > > > 3. HO, HO, HO > > I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and > > wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked > > adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so > > well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. > > Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, > > and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was > > shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my > > reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! > > - Name Withheld > > > > 4. LADY GOLFER > > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was > > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls," > > - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI > > > > 5. NUTS ABOUT YOU > > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a > > variety > > of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the > > counter > > asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your > > nuts." > > My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned > > beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. > > - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD > > > > 6. PRICELESS > > A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got > > up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. > > Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
SIZE."
> > That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed
back
over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE
KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" > > > > 7. MOM'S ADVICE > > A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was > > squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to > > find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher > > told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and > > ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. > > Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." She
screamed. "I did,"He said,
"And she told me that if I
could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me
up
from school.
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