Ok, it's been a bit since I've done this so my instructions may not be exact.  
Also, I did this on snow leopard so I hope my instructions are not outdated.   
I'm assuming you are using gmail imap in apple mail.  So, in apple mail go to 
the gmail trash folder in the mailboxes sidebar.  Make sure it's selected.  
Then go up to the main menu bar with VO plus M.  Then go to the mail box menu 
and go to use this mailbox for.  This menu has a submenu and in there choose 
trash.  After you do this, the gmail trash should disappear from the mailboxes 
sidebar.  This should do what you want.  Now when apple mail puts something in 
trash it should appear in gmails trash folder on the web page.  That is of 
course if you have certain preferences in gmail and in apple mail set up to 
your preferences.  I don't know if you prefer the trash and delete method or 
the archive method.  Good Luck.

There is a great article in tidbits but I can't find it right now.  You may 
understand his instructions better.  I have it bookmarked on another computer.  
I highly suggest you find this article.  It's written by the same guy who 
writes the take control books.

Oh, and I'm not very tech savvy so hopefully this is the correct instructions.  
I just know this worked for me. 
Sent from Christina's iMac :)

On Aug 10, 2012, at 12:49 PM, Bill Holton wrote:

> Hi.
> Is there anyway to tell mail to move deleted messages to the Gmail trash 
> folder instead of males own trash folder? I like to keep my deleted messages 
> in my trash folder from Gmail so that I can access them if I need them from 
> another computer, I can't when they're put in males trash folder.
> 
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