go intomail prefs on your mac.  go to the accounts section and pick gmail.  
then, go to the mailbox behaviours tab and in there you can pick what you want 
mail to do with the messages.  It’s a pop up button and you can pick deletion 
on closing mail, keep deleted messages for one day, a week, a month, or the 
first option.  Also, make sure your deleted messages are going into the trash 
and not being archived.  You can check this in this same tab.
hth,
Cait

On Nov 16, 2013, at 10:26 AM, Jane <[email protected]> wrote:

>       I have Mail on my Mac and iPad and on the GMail server set to iMap. for 
> some reason, when I tell Mail to delete stuff, it doesn't delete it, it just 
> holds it. I can see the emails in the deleted items folder--over six thousand 
> messages, but I don't see how to reliably delete them on Gmail using the Mac. 
> Does anyone have suggestions?
> 
> Jane
> 
> 
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