-- -Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana. Stranger things have - -happened but none stranger than this. Does your driver's license say Organ -Donor?Black holes are where God divided by zero. Listen to me! We are all- -individuals! What if this weren't a hypothetical question? [EMAIL PROTECTED] ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Tue, 04 Sep 2001 10:09:57 -0700 From: glen mccready <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Fall TV Preview Resent-Date: Tue, 4 Sep 2001 10:18:50 -0700 (PDT) Resent-From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> From: "Joe Lavin" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Fall Preview by Joe Lavin -- http://joelavin.com After months of repeats, the new television season is nearly upon us. This fall, over thirty new shows will be coming to your television, but I'm more interested in the seventy shows that were rejected by the networks. Here then is a preview of what you won't be watching this fall. Over on UPN, for example, you won't be seeing "Supermodels," a show about women who are "supermodels by day, superheroes by night." Yes, amazingly, the network behind such quality fare as "WWF Smackdown!" couldn't quite find a spot for this on their fall schedule. I'm surprised. After all, it sounds like a winning idea, though it does beg the question: do supermodels really need superpowers? Supermodel: "Hi, I'm a supermodel. Could you give me the top secret code?" Guy: "Um, okay." ABC, meanwhile, won't be showing "Me and My Needs," which would have been about "the neurotic life of a TV newsmagazine producer." Gee, a television show about a television producer? How could this not have been picked up? Perhaps it might have stood a better chance had it been about the neurotic life of a television programmer. Television programmer: "Well, I had to choose that one. It just really connected with me, you know?" This all reminds me of my idea to create a show about the life of a neurotic television producer of a television show about the neurotic life of a television producer. Look for it in 2002. Some well-known people also won't be showing up on your television this fall. John Cleese, for example, won't be starring in "HMO," a show about health insurance. (Health insurance? What? Were there no pilots available about actuaries or 401K plans?) Hank Azaria won't be starring in a comedy about a comedy writer. (Hmmn, perhaps it would have stood a better chance had it been a comedy about a comedy writer of a comedy show about a comedy writer.) And no matter what you do, you won't turn on your television and see Sisqo, the rapper behind "The Thong Song," starring in his very own sitcom. This is a shame because Sisqo was actually planning to star in a sitcom with, of all people, Bob Newhart. Unfortunately, NBC passed on the idea, and so we will never get to see the bewildered look on Bob Newhart's face when he realizes that he's acting in a sitcom with Sisqo. As far as this show is concerned, I think we can all agree on one thing -- it was a terrible casting decision. Bob Newhart in a sitcom with Sisqo? What were they thinking? We all know that Bob Newhart and Puff Daddy would have been a much better combination. Another show, "Bev," caught my eye, mainly because it was described in a news article as "Bev, formerly known as Town Slut." Yep, you guessed it. This one was planned for Fox, but you won't be seeing it. I have to blame the name change for this. Obviously, someone must have thought that the original title was a little too risqué, but why change it? After all, who wants to watch "Bev"? But "Town Slut"? Now that's appointment viewing. The show, incidentally, was about a woman in her thirties, with three children by three different fathers, "who wrestles with her small town reputation as a slut." That must have been some casting call. "I'm sorry. You were really great, but I'm afraid you just weren't slutty enough." "No, please, can I try again? I can be sluttier. I promise." Of course, an idea as strong as "Town Slut" is unlikely to die in Hollywood. I'm betting it comes back as a reality program. _____ Copyright 2001 by Joe Lavin My column can also be found at: http://joelavin.com For a free subscription, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] In the body of the message, please type: subscribe humor-list your e-mail address To unsubscribe, type: unsubscribe humor-list your e-mail address There's also a simple subscribe/unsubscribe form that you can fill out at my web site. _________ "But I Digress" Order my book "But I Digress" through my web site for only $12 from the US and Canada or $15 from outside the US and Canada. That price includes all shipping and handling. To pay with a credit card through PayPal, just visit my web site. Or send a check or money order (made payable to me) to: Joe Lavin P.O. Box 380119 Cambridge, MA 02238 This book contains over 50 of my best humor columns. You can also order it from Amazon.com, though the price there is a little higher. To do so, please visit: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0967777100 Comments? Subscription problems? Just want to say hi? As always, I can be reached at [EMAIL PROTECTED] [ To unsubscribe, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with body "unsubscribe man-bytes-dog" (the subject is ignored).]
