-- -Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana. Stranger things have - -happened but none stranger than this. Does your driver's license say Organ -Donor?Black holes are where God divided by zero. Listen to me! We are all- -individuals! What if this weren't a hypothetical question? steveo at syslang.net
Date: Sun, 6 Jul 2003 08:40:10 -0400 From: Nicola Cataldo <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Subject: Journalist Barbie Most people have noticed that over the past decades old-time newspaper reporters like Walter Cronkite and David Brinkley have gradually been replaced by better-looking and less-talented Talking Heads. Twenty years ago I worked as a newspaper reporter myself and up to now I have defended the press against ongoing criticism from the average Joe. But recently the tables were turned and the Fourth Estate just lost one of its staunchest supporters. The abbreviated background is that I got into a debate with a long-time Audubon staff member about the opinions she was offering on the bird hotline with regard to swans. My opinion was based on several years of research but it still doesn't hold the sway of a voice from an Audubon phone. As far as the neighbors were concerned it was my word against the hallowed pronouncement of the entire Audubon Society. The upshot was that on her say-so my neighbors have persisted in throwing birdseed and bread on the ground. Not only is this diet potentially lethal on its own, but the birds are accidentally eating whatever else is on the ground, such as broken glass and fishing tackle. Consequently, baby swans here die a slow and painful death each year at the hands of swan-lovers. A friend of mine told the story to a reporter from a major Boston newspaper. He and I thought that giving her the story might help bring the real facts to light and save some avian lives. It shows how wrong you can be. If I was expecting for Barbara Walters, it was Journalist Barbie who came to my door. Journalist Barbie: So how many swans are in this pond (she is looking right at them through binoculars)? Me: Two adults and two babies. JB: Which is which? Me: The small ones are the babies. The big ones are the adults. JB: What are their names? Me: Uh... I don't know that they have names. JB: So what do you call them -- just, the swans? Me: Yes. We call them, "the swans". JB: Now who's feeding fishing line to the swans? Me: No one is deliberately feeding them fishing line. Or broken glass. They eat it by accident when people throw seed down. JB: So no one is doing it on purpose? Me: No. JB: Audubon said that there shouldn't be broken glass on the ground. Me: Well, yeah. I'll go with that. Definitely it would be good if there were no broken glass on the ground. JB: Who is supposed to clean it up? Me: Uh... I don't know. The town? The state? The people who put it there, maybe? JB: How big is this pond? Me: Ten acres JB: How much of it do the swans use? Me: Ten acres. They use the whole thing. There's no fence across the pond, as you can see. JB: So they come over to this side too? Me: Well, yuh. They go where they want. All four sides and even in the middle. JB: Where does the acreage begin? Me: Huh? On the pond I guess. Where the water meets the dirt. Where does the water meet the dirt? It varies from year to year. JB: How often do you use these binoculars? Me: Several times a day I guess. JB: Do you ever use them to watch the neighbors? Ha, ha, just kidding. Me: No I don't watch the neighbors. There are no neighbors out there, as you can see. Just ten acres of water. It never got any better... To unsubscribe, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with body "unsubscribe man-bytes-dog" (the subject is ignored).
