MI More Friday Humour

[Niels Andrews]

> Why did the chicken cross the road? > > JERRY FALWELL: > Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't > you people see the  plain truth in front of your face? > The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what > "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, > that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you > will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens > until we sort out this abomination that the liberal > media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like > "the other side." That chicken should not be free to > cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. >  > KEN STARR: > I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road > at the behest of the president of the United States > of America in an effort to distract law enforcement > officials and the American public from the criminal > wrongdoing our highest elected official has been > trying to cover up. As a result,  the chicken is just > another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate > scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of > law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the > chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates > fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken > will not be permitted to reach the other side of the > road until our investigation and any Congressional > follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also > are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked > information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell,alleging the > chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit > any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or > at least to ruffle his feathers.) >  > PAT BUCHANAN: > To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. >  > DR. SEUSS: > Did the chicken cross the road? > Did he cross it with a toad? > Yes! The chicken crossed the road, > But why it crossed, I've not been told! >  > ERNEST HEMINGWAY: > To die. In the rain. > > MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: > I envision a world where all chickens will be free > to cross roads without having their motives called > into question. >  > GRANDPA: > In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the > road.  Someone told us  that the chicken crossed the > road, and that was good enough for us. >  > ARISTOTLE: > It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. >  > KARL MARX: > It was a historical inevitability. >  > SADDAM HUSSAIN: > This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were > quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. >  > RONALD REAGAN: > What chicken? >  > CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: > To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. >  > FOX MULDER: > You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How > many more chickens have  to cross before you believe > it? >  > FREUD: > The fact that you are at all concerned that the > chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying > sexual insecurity. >  > BILL GATES: > I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only > cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important > documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet > Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. >  > EINSTEIN: > Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road > move beneath the > chicken? >  > BILL CLINTON: > I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do > you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? >  > LOUIS FARRAKHAN: > The road, you will see, represents the black man.  > The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample > him and keep him down. >  > THE BIBLE: > And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the > chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken > crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.