MI Friday Humour

[Andy]

Old but unmissable... > >This is an accident report which was printed in the newsletter of the > >British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the > >bricklayer's report . . . a true story. > > > > > >Dear Sir, > > > >I am writing in response to your request for additional information in > >section 3 of the accident report form. I put 'Poor Planning' as the cause > >of > >my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following > >details will be sufficient. > > > >I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working > >alone > >on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I > >found I > >had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to  be > >slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by > >hand, I > >decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to > >the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground > >level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded  the bricks > >into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to > >ensure > >a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in section  11 of the accident > >report form that my weight is 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked > >off > >the ground so suddenly, I lost > >my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I > >proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of > >the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an > >equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor > >abrasions > >and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report > >form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent,  not stopping, > >until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. > >Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of  mind and was able > >to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now > >beginning to experience. At approximately the   same time, however, the > >barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now > >devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 > >lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As  you might imagine, I began a > >rapid > >descent down the side of the building. > >In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This > >accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations > >of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change > >slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen > >my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only > >three > >vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on > >the > >pile of   bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and > >presence of   mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the > >empty > >barrel begin its journey back onto me. This explains the two broken legs. >