Another Oldie, but goodie:
Taken from real resumes and cover letters and
printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I posses no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
18. Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
19. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwestern chain
store.
20. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never
quit a job.
21. Marital status: often. Children: various.
22. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
23. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers.
24. References: None. Ive left a path of destruction behind me.
__________
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