Thanks to KF.
1. Chicken Guns . . .
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built
specifically to launch dead chickens at the
windshields of airliners, military jets and the
space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity
- 600 mph+. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne
fowl to test the strength of windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were
eager to test it on the windshields of their
Euro Tunnel high speed train. Arrangements were
made. But when the Brits fired the gun, their
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled
out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof
shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through
the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest
in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the
cabin. The horrified engineers sent NASA the
disastrous results of the experiment, along with the
designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists
for suggestions.
NASA's response was just one sentence: "Thaw the chicken".
2. Law Enforcement Testing . . .
The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove
that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The
President decides to give them a test. He releases a
rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout
the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude
that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they
burn the forest, killing everything in it, including
the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit
had it coming.
The NYPD goes in. They come out two hours later
with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
--
John H. Hoffmann
Personal
E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
"We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence is therefore not an act,
but a habit."
-- Aristotle
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