Hi! This is a very good first text. Very cool!
Before you think about submitting it to the GNOME Journal, it might be helpful to read throught the text once more, and clean up a few loose ends here and there. For example, you should * try to sort information in the non-interview part according to news value (150 words before the reader gets the core information: "GNOME and Ubuntu on over 5000 PC's in primary and secondary schools" (in Macedonia) is too long) * rewrite the first paragraph completely: None of our readers is interested in indirect political or personal judgements. * add a little bit of background information. (see Rajiv's notes) * add a few comparisions to it easier to understand the meaning of the news: According to an (probably outdated) internet source, the average income per person in Macedonia is $1100. It is easier to grap if you add that this is 3.5% of the average US citizen. Also: How many schools are in your country at all? How many PC's and computer labs? How much impact has this program? * add a few dots in the interview part: It's kind of hard to read sentences several lines long. * spell out all abbreviations on first reference (What is USAID, EDC, AED?) In general, if it would be my country, I'd try to picture this as a great opportunity: In a few years, a certain percentage of your pupils is going to have fundamental Linux knowledge! Companies already start whining about missing Linux competence, see the Tom Adelstein article this month. So, this is interesting for investors: Need to rewrite 2.000 VB scripts for your switch to Linux desktops? No problem, come to Macedonia! :-) Well, you asked for critic. ;-) Cheers, Claus On Sat, 08 Oct 2005 01:26:45 +0200 ______________ __________ <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > I have finished the "alpha" version of the short text+interview about > the deployment of GNOME and Ubuntu in Macedonian schools. > > You can download the html and sxw versions from here: > > http://ufo.softver.org.mk/GNOME_deployment_Macedonia.html > http://ufo.softver.org.mk/GNOME_deployment_Macedonia.sxw > > Most of the info I got out from the interview was more in general > about their project and organization, etc etc... The guy wasn't really > the average GNOME user but I think he gave me enough to write about. > > It's a short one. Would be glad to see some critics. > -- marketing-list mailing list [email protected] http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/marketing-list
