Hi,

On Tue, Nov 16, 2010 at 12:41 PM, Frederic Muller <fr...@gnome.org> wrote:
> Sorry for the late feedback. I do have a few comments:
>
> 1. The green background is quite blurry  giving a potential sub-par
> impression on the display quality of the GNOME desktop. Maybe a plain color
> or gradient background would fix this.

I agree. I've replaced the screenshot in the new version.

> 2. Remaining typo in mobile phones section, 2nd sentence: "you get get
> the..."

Thanks, it's fixed.

> 3. Accessibility: I would try to rephrase the paragraph without the word
> 'disabilities' and emphasizing on 'unconditional access' or 'access for
> everyone'. I am not a native speaker, but if needed, can give it a try.

I agree. I've re-worded it to this:

The GNOME desktop includes applications that allow everybody to use a
computer regardless of physical or mental
ability. From a screen reader for people with visual impairment to
specialized applications for people who can't use regular mice and
keyboards.

> 4. No Serial Numbers: having lived in the developing world for the past 15
> years, serial numbers are never an issue: they actually come on the CD with
> the pirated copy of whatever proprietary software you decide to use. Maybe
> replacing that section with all the productivity, graphic/artistic,
> fun/games, and web applications available for GNOME might make the space
> usage more compelling. Then again it might depend on the audience but from
> my experience I've never met any developing world government who was
> concerned about internal piracy (ymmv).

Yeah, I have seen serial numbers on the CDs when doing ICT support
work rural Uganda. But they don't always work and when that happens it
a pain to track a new one down. I'm also trying to say some about the
annoying  'please validate your OS' messages that keep popping up if
you don't have a legitimate version of windows.

As a side note, perhaps you'd be interested in joining us on the GNOME
developing world list:

http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/developing-world-list

I'm sure you would have comments to add to our discussions.

> 5. Joining GNOME: I would probably add something more dynamic like
> mentioning that it's fun, you make lots of friends and

Yeah, I agree fun and friends are good things. I tweaked the wording a
bit in this section.

> you get to learn of a lot of (new) stuff which could get you a job.

I made this brochure for some outreach marketing activities in
sub-Saharan Africa. I don't think it's realistic to say that learning
how to use or program GNOME might lead to employment. At least not in
this region and not at this time.

> 6. joining GNOME user groups: unfortunately there are a lot more LUGs than
> GNOME user group and only recommending to visit GUG limits the possibilities
> for our target audience. I'd mention any Free Software group such a *nix UG,
> Free Software groups and others (including GUGs) as they will encounter the
> GNOME experience in any of those.

This is good suggestion but right now I want this brochure to be about GNOME.

> 7. You might mention somewhere in the bottom "made with GNOME"?

I made the brochure with Inkscape but I don't think it's part of
GNOME. The first page says that I'm using GNOME icons and graphics
from openclipart.org.

> 8. It'd be nice to have a native speaker reduce word repetitions and help
> produce a better phrased document.
>
> (9.) As a side note I don't think Linux is the best platform for multimedia
> playback or encoding (not something I'd put forward anyway) but I suppose we
> can allow ourselves to embellish the reality...

I don't agree with this point. Every platform has pluses and minuses
but I think GNOME has pretty good multimedia support.

Ok, now for the updated files:

PDFs:

http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-brochure-with-fold-marks-v5.pdf
http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-brochure-v5.pdf

Inkscape 0.48 SVGs:

http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-flyer-p1-with-fold-marks.svg
http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-flyer-p2-with-fold-marks.svg

Thanks for your extensive review.

Cheers, Ben
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