----- Original Message -----
From: Louis Proyect <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Newsgroups: alt.politics.socialism.trotsky
Sent: Monday, October 25, 1999 3:50 PM
Subject: A new regular feature in LM magazine
COLUMN: HOW TO SUSTAIN A MARRIAGE
IN AN AGE OF DECLINING EXPECTATIONS
BY DR. FRANK FUREDI (TENURED SOCIOLOGIST)
Q: My husband is simply never home. He works until at least 9:00 P.M.
- and for six hours or so on either Saturday or Sunday - because he
says it's expected. Even though I have some household help, it's a
tremendous strain on me to raise two daughters, ages 1 1/2 and 4,
without a father around. On a recent Sunday, I was running a
102-degree fever, and he still went to the office. How can I cope with
this?
A: You could tell him, quite seriously, that unless he can create more
time to be a husband and father, you and the children will be forced
to fire him. He needs to find a way to make clear to his employer
that, while he's willing to work overtime in emergencies, this
round-the-clock face time must end. Apart from what it's doing to his
family, his schedule is going to burn him out - if it hasn't already -
and make him a much less effective employee. Of course, the
possibility exists that even if his boss weren't pressuring him to put
in long hours, he would do so anyway because he's a workaholic. In
that case, you both need to figure out what he's trying to escape from
- like other addicts, workaholics are hiding from inner turmoil. It
could be the responsibilities of parenting two preschool-age children.
Clearly, it's time for a frank discussion of what each of you expects
from your marriage and what is missing. If that gets you nowhere, I'd
strongly suggest he carve out time in his schedule for marriage
counseling. Should you keep going on the way you're going, I foresee
disaster.
--
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