My questions is if there is any way to have both instances of
memcached know of each other so that the code can only have to connect
to its local memcached instance?

You don't want that.  You just think you do.  Trust everyone on this list.

> As opposed to having to make a
connection to the other server's memcached instance? I'm think about
whether it effects performance when having to connect to another
server.

Connection overhead is nothing. Each of my web servers has over 4k connections incoming and/or outgoing related to memcached. It does not affect the servers

Otherwsie, what's the best way to have this set up? Assuming 2 (or
more) frontends each running an instance of memcached? And wanting to
keep the two front ends in sync with each other.

They don't need to be synced. memcached is a distributed cache, not a replicated cache. It works very well this way.

Brian.

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