I ran visudo and added both os these lines

%shutdown ALL=(root) NOPASSWD: /usr/local/libexec/xfsm-shutdown-helper

%wheel ALL=(root) NOPASSWD: /usr/local/lib/xfce4/session/xfsm-shutdown-helper


I had to do a

groupadd shutdown


then I could do

usermod -G shutdown shaul


Now I consistently have the options of Restart and Shut Down working or enabled after I click on Quit.

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