This scene contains a reference to a story that
has not yet been written, but it is small and
really isn't much of a spoiler anyway.
Healing Wounds in Arabarb
By Charles Matthias
He throttled awake and yanked his body away from
the cold stone wall. His chains yanked him back,
but he pressed toward the lip of his prison with
a wailing cry. He beat and pulled his arms this
way and that, but the manacles only dug into his
flesh and the chains clanked and held. He
screamed into the darkness and his own voice
bounced back and pummeled him. A gust of hot air
made him gasp and silenced his feverish racket.
He wanted nothing more than to curl into a bowl
and cry. Lindsey shivered even before the warm
air had dispersed into the impenetrable chill of
the castle stone. He pressed his knees to his
face and scooted his feet as much under his rear
as he could. His breath was ragged and he felt
snot trailing down his nose and between his legs.
He tried to wipe it away but the manacles held
his hand back. With a sigh he let the snot drool
down his leg and onto his feet. The wet mucus
pooled there until it dribbled between his toes.
If he couldn't do anything about a little bit of
snot, what could he possibly do against Calephas,
let alone Gmork? Nothing. He had no hope but in
his friends, and was there even hope there? His
father was in prison and almost certain to die as
soon as Calephas had what he wanted from Lindsey
in the morning. Elizabaeg had gone into hiding
with the fractious Resistance, all of whom had
expressed skepticism about Lindsey's plan
working. They might linger until midday, but when
he failed to reveal that Calephas was dead, they would all flee like rats.
The birds were weak and could do nothing of
themselves; one of them was already Gmork's pet.
As soon as either of the other two were captured
again they would become Gmork's pets too if not
his meal. And Pharcellus... Lindsey had hoped a
dragon would turn the tide against their enemies,
but Gmork had been powerful enough to chase him
off. Could the beastly mage have actually killed
his brother? He sobbed anew to think it. He'd
only now learned that Pharcellus was more than a
friend but family and now he would never see him again.
He rubbed his face against his knees, wiping his
nose there and keeping any more snot from
flowing. Morning would come soon enough. But
there would be no more dawns for Arabarb. Lindsey
had failed and he had led the Resistance into a
disaster from which they would never recover.
Everything he loved would be in ruin.
Lindsey breathed erratically and whimpered just
like the boy he truly was. He could still have
adult thoughts, but there was no strength left.
He only wanted some word of comfort, some ray of hope that would dry his tears.
Lamenting all that he'd lost, all the wounds that
riven his heart into a thousand pieces, Lindsey
the little boy fell once more into sleep.
A warm light angled through the curtains and cast
over a wooden bed draped in quilts and bear fur
with a yew tree hanging from the wall above the
headboard. Outside he could hear birds chirping
and his father chopping wood. His mother was
tending their sheep and singing a little song to
herself. Andrig was probably helping Father.
Lindsey sat on a little three-legged stool
watching the man laying in the bed. His face was
foreign and had at one time been clean-shaven. A
week of bed-rest had provided him a modest
reddish-blond beard. His eyes were a warm brown,
like a pastry left just long enough in a brick
oven, and he smiled with them as soon as they
flickered open. His lips parted, bristling with
welcome and delight. Good morning, Lindsey.
Lindsey, still a little boy, but now dressed in
warm clothes and little boots that he knew he'd
worn when he'd been a little girl so many years
ago, smiled and recognized the healing man. Good
morning, Zhypar. I've missed you.
His smile did not waver, and color filled his cheeks. I know. But I am here.
This is where we first met, Lindsey said,
glancing anxiously at the walls of the little
room in his home and especially at the window. He
half feared that a monstrous mage in the guise of
a wolf would come prowling about. So long ago.
Not so long as all that, Zhypar replied with a
soft churr beneath his words. His ears, at first
completely human, were distinctly longer than
before, but not in a horrible way. They were
longer in a wholly familiar way, with soft curves
and russet colored fur brushing along their back
and sides as if touched by an artist's pen. Time
is a created thing too. It passes as it does by
the will of Eli. But it does not pass
unmercifully. He drew one human hand out from
under the quilts and gestured at the room. We
are here again. It is good to see you, Lindsey.
The boy trembled and pressed his head and hands
against the quilts, feeling for Zhypar's other
arm beneath them. Oh, how could you leave me? I
need you now more than ever! I'm lost and alone
with no hope! My family, my people, everything will be lost!
Life is full of goodbyes, Lindsey. They are not
easy, and they will always bring us pain. Zhypar
sighed and gently stroked the back of Lindsey's
head for a moment. When we walked into Hall of
Unearthly Light together, I knew something
terrible, something I could not tell you then,
because I knew what you would do.
Lindsey lifted his head and saw that Zhypar's
face had started to shift further, with his upper
lip splitting and his nose flattening and
swelling as a snout began to emerge. His ears
were taller than his head, familiar as the ears
of a kangaroo again. Lindsey tightened his
fingers in the bear fur. What did you know?
Zhypar's expression was soft as his brown eyes
swelled in size in proportion to his animal head.
Yet his voice lost none of its clarity or its
gentleness. I knew that one of us was going to
die. If it was not I, then it would have been you
that suffered the killing blow. Had I told you
this, you would have thrown yourself before it to save me.
Lindsey swallowed and nodded. Aye, I would have. I love you, Zhypar.
And I you, Lindsey. He smiled with his new
marsupial snout and and brushed his hand through
Lindsey's hair. The russet fur was beginning to
appear on his upper arm. A lump was forming in
the quilts between his knees. Which is why I
didn't tell you. I knew, and saw, and glimpsed in
that moment a future for you that even I had not
guessed. And I saw at the same time, a future for
me that was all too short, and all too miserable.
Short and miserable?
The wound Yonson gave me in my side would have
killed me in less than a year even had I survived
Marzac. I couldn't let you spend your life for so little.
Lindsey shook his head and pushed himself back
onto the stool. His hands felt stiff and his
fingers sore. I don't want to believe it. He
swallowed and shook his head again. But I... I
know you never lie, and you especially never lied
to me. He dug his fingernails into his knees and
whispered, But why didn't you tell me then? After it was... too late.
Zhypar chuckled lightly and set his hand back at
his side. His fingers were developing little tan
claws. I was dying. I could do nothing but what
I did. One day you will die too. There are so
many things we wish we could do but no matter how
long we live we are not given the time to do them
all. Not even Qan-af-årael had that luxury.
Before Lindsey could say or do anything more,
Zhypar leaned forward in bed and placed his hand
on his head and smiled anew, soft and gentle.
Given what I know you have endured since then, I
am glad I was not allowed to say it. Had I done
so, you would have looked at every tragedy as a
promise from me and it would have embittered your heart.
The boy shuddered and sniffled but slowly began
to nod. The worst was having to kill that thing
growing in my pouch. I thought it was our son. I
thought I would have you back through him.
Zhypar's snout turned briefly in a moue, but the
war regard returned with his next breath. That
is now past. When you rejected it, you rejected
the false promises of Marzac. Just as Kayla did
with Vissarion and James did with the bell; and
even Jerome. But there are so many false promises
in life that we must turn away from. Despair is also one of them.
Lindsey let out a long sigh and half-watched as
the lump between Zhypar's knees swelled down to
his feet, which were also noticeably longer than
a man's. He dug his nails into his knees and
winced a little. I don't want to despair. But
I... I don't have any hope left.
No Follower should ever believe they are without
hope. Zhypar leaned forward and rested his
furred hand on top of Lindsey's. What do you really have to fear?
He looked into the kangaroo's face and met his
kind stare. Was it ever possible for Lindsey to
remain morose when he truly looked into those
eyes? He knew, knew deep down, the depths of pain
that the kangaroo had suffered in his own short
life. Yet it was the rarest of moments whenever
he revealed that pain. The night in tent in
Marzac swamp had been one of the very few he had
ever seen Zhypar cry. It was a struggle to think of a second.
Still, the words came ever so slowly to his lips.
I fear for my family. My father is a prison of
Calephas and the baron has promised to kill him as soon as his potion works.
Zhypar nodded slowly as his legs and tail shifted
beneath the quilts so that he laid on his side,
head propped up by the pillows and one elbow.
Lindsey could see the tip of his long tail poking
out from the bottom of the bear fur. His voice
bore a slight rolling lilt because of his snout
and thicker tongue. Was your father afraid?
The scene, the first time he'd seen his father in
almost ten years, was burned into his mind. With
a strange sense of comfort he began to shake his
head. Nay, he was not afraid. My father would
never be afraid of any man's threats. Or of death.
Then why are you, my gentle Lindsey, so afraid for him?
He almost laughed as his eyes slipped down to
stare at Zhypar's arms. I don't want him to die.
But do you know that he will?
I don't see any way to save him. He grunted and
shifted on the stool, feeling a slight discomfort
in his back. He kicked the little boots off his
feet and stretched his toes. And you told me
that you knew one of us would die in Marzac. There was no way to save us both.
Zhypar's smile receded but did not disappear.
But there was a way to save you and everyone
else I cared about. Lindsey, for the first time
in my life, I knew how to save the lives of
others. All I'd ever seen before was that
everyone I loved would be taken from me. All the
Felikaush would die, by brothers, my sisters, my
cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my mother and
my father, all of them. I saw that everyone of
them would die. There was nothing I could do to save them.
He lifted his hand and gently cradled Lindsey's
boyish chin. But I could save you. I would die a
hundred times more to do that just one more time.
And I saved everyone else too. And with faith in
Yahshua, a faith that saw me through every pain,
I knew I had no reason to fear death.
Lindsey closed his eyes and took a long, deep
breath, stretching out his chest and then letting
it settle back down. But I didn't want to lose
you either. And now I may lose my father, and
even my mother. I... I've already lost her in a way.
Zhypar let go of his chin and dropped his hand
down to Lindsey's own and patted it once. The
touch felt oddly distant and muffled. Withdrawing
to the bed, the kangaroo smiled laconically and
lifted the curtains back to let in more light. A
bright Summer day waited outside rich and full of
color. Lindsey smiled as he watched birds chase each other past the window.
But the weight in his heart dragged his eyes down
until he was staring uncomprehending at his hands
pressed atop his knees. Only his hands weren't
covered in crimson-rimmed gray scales and tipped
with dark claws. He lifted them both and turned
them upside-down and right-side-up over and over
again marveling and wondering at them. Dragon's
hands, much like Pharcellus had. And they were his.
My... hands.
Indeed, Zhypar said with a light chuckle. But
you haven't lost a mother. You may have another,
and you certainly have a new brother.
Lindsey flexed his hands and smiled faintly.
There was a boyish enthusiasm when it came to all
things dragon. And thinking of Pharcellus always
seemed to bring warmth to him, more so than a
mere friend could do. I hope he is all right.
The kangaroo smiled broadly, his long ears
folding backward against the pillows. And there, you have hope again.
He looked past his dragon hands and chortled once
as he met the amused glint in his dearest friend
and hoped for husband's eye. You're right, he
murmured as he lowered his hands to his legs,
noting that the scales had spread up his arms a
few inches. He felt a strange pressure behind him
and shifted on the stool again. You're right. I
do have hope. It's so small...
It doesn't need to be large to give courage.
Zhypar let the window shade fall back into place
and stretched his arms and legs. His toe claws
caught in the fur and dragged it half-way down
his chest. He kicked his feet a little until the
quilts were free and drew them back over his
chest. Lindsey had noted he bore no attire, and
that the vile black wound Yonson's ash staff had
given him was gone. He wasn't quire sure why he'd expected to see it either.
Did we have much hope against the forces of
Marzac? Not a one of us could have contended
against the Marquis, let alone Yajakali himself.
Yet that evil was defeated. And we hope it is
defeated forever. Zhypar pressed his paws
together and gazed at the ceiling as if he were
in prayer. And you know from whence comes all
true hope. In weakness, power reaches perfection.
All things work toward His glory.
Lindsey lowered his head and offered a quiet
prayer of thanks. After making the sign of the
yew over his chest, he reached behind him to rub
the tail growing from his backside. He could
wiggle the end with a little effort. And to his
delight, his toes were longer and covered in the
same gray scales with red at their edges. The
effect gave his feet a reptilian shimmer.
There is hope. But, Lindsey sighed as he
stopped admiring his new draconic features, how
am I supposed to defeat them? I'm chained to a wall and stuck as a child.
Perhaps you aren't supposed to, Zhypar
suggested with a slight shrug. Or perhaps
there's a way for you to strike even without your hands.
Don't you know what is going to happen?
The kangaroo chuckled. When I died I gave up
that ability. Now I see as everyone else in
Paradise sees. More perfectly. But all of time is
not revealed to me. And what I do see I could
never explain so that you would understand.
Still, no evil that besmirches this world can
ever ruin the splendor of what awaits those who hope in Him.
Lindsey rubbed his scaled hands over his thighs
as he curled his toes around the wooden stool
legs. So you don't know whether I can save my
family or not. He sighed and wiggled his tail
again as a general soreness entered his
shoulders. I... I haven't seen them in so long,
Zhypar I haven't been to Arabarb since I came to
Metamor. What I've found... my home, this place,
is ruined and abandoned, set on fire, but saved
by rains. The beds were smashed, and the place a
ruin and haunt for beasts. My parents lived in
hiding, my mother masquerading as a man! And my
younger brother Andrig... nobody seems to know what has happened to him.
Zhypar nodded slowly and thoughtfully. I
remember Andrig. And I remember the look of joy
on your face when you two embraced. He returned
to the Giantdowns to help your people and that is all you know.
A horrible thought came to him and Lindsey
stiffened. Is he... is he... is he with you?
Those deep brown eyes met his and their limpid
solidity felt more secure than the ground. No. He is not.
Lindsey breathed a sigh of relief and the tensed
further. He isn't, in the other place?
Zhypar chuckled softly and shook his head. Rest
easy, Lindsey. Your younger brother is not dead.
Lindsey hugged himself, being careful not to
prick the still soft skin of his shoulders and
back with his claws. Already the scales had
covered his arms up to the elbows and his legs up
to the knees. And with the way his growing tail
was forcing his hips to shift and swell, the
stool was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
And you have another reason to hope, Zhypar added with a warm smile
The door behind them opened and Lindsey turned to
see Elizabaeg enter carrying a small bowl of
porridge and a bit of jerky. How are my boys?
she asked as she extended the bowl to Zhypar and the jerky to Lindsey.
Mother? Lindsey asked, gripping the jerky in
his dragon hands and climbing off the stool. I'm half dragon.
She smiled and gently stroked down his head,
pressing his hair around a pair of horns that had
grown that he hadn't even realized were there.
Of course you are. And I love you as my son.
And the she pulled him close, letting Lindsey
pressed his face into her stomach and wrap his
scaly arms about her middle. Tears blossomed from
his eyes, but for the first time in what seemed
an eternity, they were not ones of misery. The
moment was brief but seemed to draw on and on as
if it could not of its own come to an end.
When Lindsey finally let go, he felt wings
stretch behind him and his head rested on the end
of along serpentine neck. No half dragon was he
now. His mother stroked her hands down gray and
red scales, smiling with affection and unwavering
love the dragon her son had become.
Now, you two be good. Elizabaeg patted him on
the head between his horns one last time before
leaving the room with a slow twirling of her working skirt.
Lindsey stared after her for a moment before
sitting down on his haunches like he'd seen
Pharcellus do. He chewed the jerky in a few quick
bites, and then lifted his snout to regard
Zhypar. The kangaroo devoured the porridge with a
dignified air despite his speed. After a few
moments he set the bowl aside and stretched
again. Ah, your mother always made such good food.
She... she knew all along. Lindsey said as
warmth filled his reptilian body. She knew that
I was hatched from an egg. She knew my mother was
a dragon and that Pharcellus was my half-brother.
An she still loved me as her own. She loved me just as much as Andrig.
Zhypar nodded and slid his legs from beneath the
quilts. They were long and three-toed as Lindsey
remembered them being. He set them on the ground
and stretched anew, the bear fur draped over his
long tail. But the secret pained her. And Pharcellus.
They wanted... they wanted to tell me. They
wanted me to know. He shivered from nose to tail
as that simple fact dawned. But they didn't because of a promise.
A promise your father made, Zhypar finished for him.
Lindsey looked into the kangaroo's face, having
to stare up at him even though he was a dragon. Did... did you know?
The kangaroo laughed and shook his head. No. I
never knew. He gently touched him on the shoulder just above the wing. Come.
They turned, Lindsey walking on all fours, and
passed out through the door. Beyond was a
gigantic cavern with roads and eerie lights far
above. Homes were built into the stone, climbing
the walls like honeycombs. Mushrooms clung to
every crevice and glowed strange colors. Lindsey
stared in wonder until he realized that they were in Qorfuu again.
His heart sank in his barreled chest and he
lowered his head to the ground. I hurt you here.
I forgave you long ago.
So why are we here?
Zhypar leaned down and cradled Lindsey's draconic
snout in both paws. He stared down the length of
that snout, his eyes firm and serious. So that you can believe it.
Lindsey swished his tail tip back and forth and
clawed at the stone beneath him. Apart from them,
the entire city was silent, quieter even than a
tomb. He craned his neck this way and that, but
always he returned his gaze to the kangaroo. I'm so sorry I hurt you, Zhypar.
And I forgive you. I have forgiven you.
Lindsey opened his jaws to say something but felt
tears pooling atop scaled cheeks. The kangaroo's
arms twined around his neck and they hugged there
as the strange lights glowed all around them.
Lindsey breathed deeply of the musky, earthy
flavor of the kangaroo's musk. He rubbed his
snout against the russet fur, soothed by the way
it brushed over his scales. He stretched and
folded his wings while the kangaroo's claws ever
so gently pressed into the taut muscles in his shoulders.
And though his heart ached, it felt lighter as if
it would fly of its own accord.
When they opened their eyes they were no longer
in Qorfuu but in the hold of a familiar Whalish
vessel. They stood beside a canopied bed with a
little hearth open to receive more fuel. The
crackling fire felt warm but made the dragon
tremble too. He'd tried to destroy Zhypar's
letters there. He searched for the black smear
where the child-thing had died but the timbers were blissfully unstained.
He gestured with a claw toward the hearth. I
threw your letters in there. I... I almost
destroyed them all. If I hadn't done that, maybe
the others would be more easily freed of Marzac's touch.
Would that there ever was such an easy way.
Zhypar said as he put one paw on the door handle.
He swung the hearth shut after a moment's
contemplation of the boisterous fire within. If
there had been, we'd have never needed to go
there. But the evil there would have no power if
not for the evil in our hearts.
Lindsey blinked and then sat down on his
haunches, curling his tail over his hind paws.
The simple truth there was undeniable and already
weary but warm, his heart admitted and released
that truth. I... I wanted to hold onto you. I
wanted it so badly. I didn't want you to be gone.
When he looked up at the kangaroo he noticed that
Zhypar seemed indistinct, as if a thick haze had
sprung up between them. But you cannot. I have
gone through the door of death. You cannot have
me back. But do not be afraid. All of us must
pass through that door. He lowered his eyes and
his ears folded down so that they almost laid
across his neck. All of us. That door can lead
to a joy unimaginable, or it can lead to an
unending horror that will make your nightmares
pleasant. Every choice we make draws us closer to one or the other.
He turned and gazed at Lindsey and smiled. None
of us are truly mortal, Lindsey. We are just on a
path to a blessed or a damned eternity. You do
not need to shed any more tears for me. And you
do not need to be afraid for your family. They
believe. They are not afraid. He took one more
breath and drew out his words, folding his paws
over his heart and smiling with such simple
confidence that Lindsey could never remember
seeing him have. They have hope. As do you.
Lindsey sighed and looked down at his scaled
arms, legs, and tail, before glancing back up at
the ever more indistinct kangaroo. I do. I don't understand, but I do.
Zhypar patted the hearth one more time and then
shook his head. Do not feel guilt over burning
my letters either. What is left of them will
speak more clearly than if I'd had volumes to pen.
The kangaroo turned and looked at something that
glimmered from afar off. The walls of the cabin
room fell away and they were nowhere. Everything
was an elision of color, bright but indistinct,
suffused with gray as if in counterpoint. Warmth filled him.
Are you leaving? he asked, the words the only ones he could find.
Aye. Zhypar turned his head back halfway, the
muzzle creasing into a faint smile. I am.
There's nothing more I can do here. But your name
is ever on my lips before He who can do all things.
Lindsey stretched out one paw despite the
limitless gulf that spanned between them. I love you, Zhypar!
And I love you, my Lhindesaeg. Trust in Him.
The kangaroo smiled wide and true, then turned
back to the glimmer of pearlescent white, and
vanished in a cataract of brilliance. Zhypar Habakkuk was gone.
----------
May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,
Charles Matthias
!DSPAM:4dce667c264021804284693!
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