Hmm, let's try something different. On Sun, Nov 30, 2014 at 10:38 AM, Jack Moore <[email protected] > wrote:
> Birth > > To My Friend in the North > North of what? The keep? There's not much north of that. > [...] > > All of my thoughts will appear in italics, as by the request of your last > letter. And > yes I will give my reflections on the events from how I see them now. I > was planning on > doing so anyway. > I'm curious how someone would write in italics. Also, italics weren't invented until after the movable type printing press. Does the printing press exist in Metamor? I can't remember, but I don't think so. > > Some set up is required. There's not much to say about what brought me to > that > valley, beyond my Father was meeting with someone. When your father is a > perpetual > opportunist and probably short sighted, you regularly end up dragged > across the land. > You mean children don't like to be dragged along on cross-country business trips thinly disguised as family vacations? That's news to my parents. > [...] > > In Isenport if you go down to the docks you will smell the tide as it > rolls in and > see the ships as they unload their wears and sailors. > Need a comma after Isenport and docks (Ugh, I'm still stuck in editing mode) > [...] > Stories of this place you also will not be hearing. Instead I ask you turn > your mind to the Midlands, near the Great Barrier Range and a small train > of people traveling towards Metamor Keep. > "Good! The setting is called 'Metamor Keep' after all," I say as I struggle to figure out how to write my character into the keep without two novels worth of back-story. > [...] > > "You must command respect to be a modern man." My father said. > Yes, a modern man, a modern man of the 8th century. Also: comma, quotation mark, space, lower case m. > > "What we are doing is securing my legacy, you will be that legacy." > In other words: "Don't embarrass me." > [...] > > My father was Lord Leontes of Isenport, servant of the Sathmore Empire. We > didn't actually have to say we are servants of the Empire, my father > believed it to be a > good idea. When you aren't loyal, constantly tell people you are. > That'll fool 'em > > If there was only one thing in life my father could have, it was to be a > modern > man. Okay no, if he could have one thing it would be the title of Emperor, > but second to > that it was to be a modern man. > > A modern man placed more emphasis on personal goals instead of loyalty to > your > Emperor. A modern man had secret meetings with people from other > countries. Modern > men dragged their sons across the continent without telling them who they > were meeting. > Modern men are currently annoyed by the dubstep pop remixes currently blaring outside. I mean this rave thing I chose not to go to is on the other side of campus; how can it still be so loud? > [...] > > "I guess it's good to be out of Isenport." I mumbled. No it wasn't good, > it was > wonderful. Or it would have been, had my father not been there as well. > That's how I used to feel about my family too. And again: comma, quotation mark, space, attribution. > > "James what do you think of the changing landscape?" My grip on > Holofernes' > reigns tightened. > reins. I don't think Holofernes possesses multiple periods of sovereigns' rule. Also, I prefer " 's" as it's less ambiguous as to whether there are multiple Holofernes, but it isn't wrong; just be consistent. Third, I like to separate one person's speech and another's action across paragraphs. I don't know if that's a rule, but I think it makes it less ambiguous as to who is doing the speaking. I'd join the action to the following paragraph. > > "What do you mean?" > > "I mean…James tell me what you think of where we are going, what do you > know > of it?" > > "It's cursed." I said. > "It's cursed," I said. Commas before attributions, and that's the last time I'm going to say it. . > [...] > > Evening fell and we camped in a clearing in the shadow of the Great > Barrier > Range. Then again, as large as those mountains are many things are in > their shadow. > Living in a coastal city, I rarely saw the mountains so anytime I got the > chance I > appreciated it. > > However I was having trouble appreciating them right now. It's hard to do > so > when someone is pointing a blade at your face. > I imagine that would make it difficult. > > "And now you're dead." Nemo said. The silver blade of Qual gleamed against > its > ebony handle. > Aw, too bad, the whiny narrator died. I guess that means the story is over. > [...] > > "What's the point of learning if you just kill me?" I asked. > > "You might learn not to die." > That is a pretty important lesson. > [...] > > I've never been good with swords. Or axes. Or arrows. Or really any > weapon, > they tend to fly out of my hands. > Duct tape would fix that. It just needs to be invented first. > [...] > > "Why? What's the worst thing that could happen?" > > "You'd be killed. That's bad." Nemo said. > More important life lessons from Nemo. Pay attention narrator. > > I rolled my eyes. > Or not. > > [...] Nemo demanded though that if he worked for us, he be allowed > to speak his mind without fear. My father agreed. > > That was a bad idea. > But then how would he teach such important life lessons. > [...] > > "As you grow older you find plenty of things to keep you occupied." Nemo > said. > Ain't that the truth > > "Come on, let's acquire sustenance." > Not a bad idea. I'm starving. __________________________________________________ WARNING: The preceding email contained scenes of extreme sarcasm and should not have been read by individuals of a sensitive disposition. -AlexSurikat
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