AN: Final part Value IV/IV 'So I've messed up again.' I couldn't silence that voice, it chanted all the way back to my hovel. 'Now I've got a priest mad at me and a fellow lizard.' "I'm not going to be one of them." I reached my door but didn't go in. Instead I paused before it for just a moment. "I'm not. I'm still human and I'm going to...I'm not a lizard." I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer to the unknown divine. The hovel was warmer than it was before. Nemo had lit a fire in the room and the warmth soaked into my bones. Thank you Nemo. "It's too blasted hot." I said. Nemo scarfed up a piece of bread and shrugged. "Put out the fire." "I am cold. If you want to be cooler, go to your room." I rolled my eyes and sat down on a stool beside Nemo. Pain rocketed up me but I tried not to show it. "You okay? You look like you're in pain." I didn't do a good job of hiding it. "Your skirt is still clean, that's something." "Stop calling it a skirt." I grumbled. "It's a sarong." I focused on breathing and not on the pain. "At least you got out of the house some today. I am proud of you for that James." I shrugged. "Just trying to provide a compliment." "I don't want one." He sighed. "Fine. What were you doing out there James?" "I was exploring this awful castle." I said. "You know, in Isenport we no longer live in a castle that's been around since the Suielman Empire fell. We built a manor house." I gestured to our walls. "It always stayed the same size, the same layout. It's not ugly gray rock." "This place...never mind." Nemo kept eating. "I spoke to a lizard named Patrick." "Oh? And what was he like." "He's okay I guess." I said. "He's an Ecclesia priest." Nemo went stiff. "A what now?" "An Ecclesia priest, did I say something wrong?" Nemo frowned. "What? What did I say?" "It's not you." Nemo mumbled. "Don't talk to any more of...those priests. They are wicked and pernicious councilors, falsifiers." "I thought you believed in that crap!" I said. Nemo glared at me. "Do not refer to my beliefs as crap. And do not associate with those people, that I am telling you now. They are corrupters of the highest order; they pervert the Way, the pervert Yashua and Eli." "Are you a....What's the other one?" I asked. He sighed. "A Rebuilder is the term you search for. No I am not one. Rebuilder implies a desire to rebuild, the faith I follow wishes for no such thing. I am telling you now, whatever you wish to believe is fine but do not speak with one of them." Believe what you want but do as I say. Even Nemo wasn't immune to that. "Whatever, I'm not planning on it." I said. "He called me a lizard. He acted like I was one of them." "You are a lizard." Nemo said. "I don't consider myself one. You can't see any scales on me." "Except for the ones coating your face." I didn't respond. I kept my eyes on the table. "Did you enrage him?" "I yelled at him." I said. "I threatened to stomp on his damn crackers. I wish I had." Nemo smiled at last. "Why didn't he yell back?" "Excuse me?" "I kept screaming at him, the stupid priest didn't yell at me. He kept talking about faith, understanding and crap like that." I said. "I don't get it. If those crackers were so important why didn't he punch me for wanting to crush them?" "I can't explain how Ecclesia think." Nemo said. "I can assure you they're all insane." "I guess." I sighed. "Why the hell did I yell at him? He was so nice..." "I can't answer that question." Nemo said. "What do you believe?" "I believe he was wrong. I know he was; I'm not going to be a blasted lizard like he is. I won't." "If you wish to believe that it's fine." Nemo said standing up. "Just for the record, yelling at Ecclesia priests is something I have no problem with. They have earned a good yelling." I stayed behind at the table.'I've just made things worse haven't I?' I buried my head in my hands. 'Yep, much worse. I need to apologize to these people...why can't I get out of here?' I stopped the tears this time, too tired to cry. 'Why can't I get out?'
My room was cold and I refused to make a fire. For now my body would still warm itself and I was going to take full advantage of it. The ache was down into my bones. I brushed it off and climbed onto my bed. I had a piece of bread still with me to eat. I laid down on my back. 'Oh damn why do I do this to myself?' I could have rolled onto my side but instead I chose to stay on my back. Even as the pain rolled into my skull I wisely refused to move just to prolong my agony. "Squee!" I bit my lip and looked over the side of my bed. The little rat from earlier looked up at me. It sniffed the air, standing briefly on its hind legs. "How's your day been?" I broke off a piece of bread. "Afraid mine has been a bit of a mess. I yelled at a priest over crackers. Can Ecclesia priest curse you?" I rolled onto my side to feed my little friend. The wave of relief was instantaneous. The little rat scurried over and ate the bread from my fingers. I stroked its back while it did. "I think they can." I smiled at him. "Probably deserve it." The rat made a noise of thanks and briefly rubbed against my hand before scurrying off. "Come back any time." I whispered before rolling back. The pain returned, even worse than before, now I felt it splitting me apart. "Damn it...Got no choice..." I rolled onto my other side, again letting relief overtake me. 'Much better.' My new tail drooped over the side and soon I fell asleep. Again my hand grows tired, so I will end here. Patrick was a good man, I wish I had known that then. I would learn that in time but my first meeting with someone who would help me so much ended with me screaming at him. I disrespected the Eucharist but to my credit I wasn't struck dead right there as I probably should have been. Life is so odd. In that night I had been given my first introduction to being a Follower and been informed about the Fellowship. Yet I wouldn't come into the Ecclesia until by my own choice nor would I seek out the Fellowship until I needed it less. But I'll get to that later. I wish I could hand these letters to my younger self, or perhaps to those who I would soon meet. Still, looking back it's not all bad. My attitude had not changed but that night was the first night I was able to do something important. I surrendered. If we want to change, we often have to begin by doing that. It's never easy. Your friend in the South J. AN: Well I am physically and mentally exhausted. This is the last part, all comments wanted. It needs editing.
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