"I killed him." I repeated as Brightleaf and
Nemo lead me away. I repeated this over and
over, as Nemo took my bloody skirt off. As I
tried to explain to Brightleaf what happened all
I could see was his dead eyes. "I killed him. I killed a man!"
"It was him or you." Brightleaf said. His voice
was calm and his countenance firm. "You did what
you had to do. Don't feel bad about that." I
looked him in the eye for the first time since being brought out of the woods.
For the first time I really saw Brightleaf's
scared face. His cut ear and fur patched with
battle wounds contrasted against my smooth
scales. Each knick on his body or scar that
emerged from his fur made my heart pound.
Brightleaf and I were standing just inside
Metamor Keep. The sun had not risen to its full
height. Brightleaf himself looked tired but
steady. I meanwhile tried to keep from breaking down.
"I didn't have to kill him."
"Then he would have you. Did you want to die?" I
gave him a look of disgust. "It's not easy
killing people James. But you didn't have a
choice. Tell yourself that." Brightleaf's words
were direct. He didn't worry about the
ramifications of killing. He saw things as what
needs to be done and what is done.
Do not doubt that Misha himself suffered greatly
at the first man he killed. Even Charles is haunted by this.
"He didn't know what he was doing." I stammered.
"Oh gods he was my age. He didn't want to die!
I-I didn't want to kill him!" I think I threw up then, I don't remember.Â
I did start to wail then.
I would too. You have captured this perfectly.
"You'll be okay." Nemo said again. I didn't say
a thing. I kept my gaze focused on the ground.
My head was spinning so fast if I looked up I
was bound to fall over. "I promise you will be
okay. The first time you kill someone is always the hardest." I looked up.
"The first time? That wasn't the first time,
that was the last time." I shook my head. "I
won't kill someone again." Oh how sure I was at that moment.Â
In Metamor there is not much choice. We are almost pampered in our world.
Our home was black and ice cold. Nemo sat me at
the table and went over to our fire pit. In a
few minutes he had a roaring fire going. Its
radiant warmth didn't break through my soaked wet dress.
"You'll need to change clothes." Nemo said. "You
have another dress in your room, I'll go get
it." I didn't respond to him. I dug my claws
into the wooden table and began to shave off parts of the old wood.
"I was finally starting to enjoy these things."
I pressed my hands flat against the table,
finally letting go of the hatchet. My fingers
once stubby were now spindly. Nails once cut short were now pointed claws.
I like this touch here about just starting to like his body.
Nemo's heart still had not calmed down he noted
as he retreated to his own room. He sat the
hatchet beside his door and grit his teeth.
"Ever-everything will be-will be" Suddenly Nemo
was aware of nothing but the sound of his heart
and sweat pouring down the back of his head. "Wha-what's happening?"
Suddenly the area around his temples began to
itch like crazy. Nemo scratched at it, only to
find hair falling out at his touch. "What?
Bu-but I'm becoming younger aren't I? How can
I..." He trailed off. I'm not becoming younger. I'm changing as well.
It was then that the first wave of change hit
Nemo. This inhuman sensation that he could only
describe as the feeling of change. It dropped
Nemo to his knees in the middle of the room, sending his head spinning.
"Eli..." Nemo whispered. "Madeline..." Those
were the only words he could rasp out as his nails drew into claws.
Yay, he's transforming!!
James transformation had been slow. From this
Nemo had learned all transformations were slow
and drawn out. Only now did the curse of Metamor
Keep show him just how wrong he was.
Nemo managed to remain conscious as all the
changes hit him at once. He finally fell asleep
when his new tail dragged against the stone floor.
Hooray for having a tail like a civilized creature!
"Squeak?" I looked down at the foot of my bed.
My gray rat friend stood on his hind legs
looking up at me. He cocked his head and hopped
up my body. I stroked his oddly clean fur.
We Rats like to keep clean!
"Hey there." He shivered as I ran my claw down
his back. "I really needed you. Just someone who
isn't going to tell me everything will be okay."
I swallowed. "Because it won't be okay."
I began to cry again. "Oh gods it'll never be
okay again. It's all over. My life really is
over." My rodent friend rubbed himself against
me, trying to comfort me. I completely lost it
until my body was wracked with sobs.
I will finish my first cycle with my next
letter. For now I will leave you with the image
of my younger self, sobbing on his bed and wishing to disappear.Â
I have killed since then; I have killed many
times. Yet with ease I can draw each name from
the confines of my mind. When I close my eyes, I
see their accusing faces. I will carry them with
me and Saphir's face will be one of the brightest of them.
I thought his name was Berl and that Saphir was one of the other hunters...
Despite that I no longer accept guilt.
Brightleaf was right; Saphir would have killed
me had he acted first. That's not of much
comfort when the blood is fresh on you. In time,
though, when it has been washed off you can know there was no other choice.
Humans are entrenched in blood. A river of blood flows through our lives.
It would be a year before I learned Saphir's
name or I met those people again. I will share,
though, when I did in a later cycle. Blood must
be repaid with blood as I was to learn. Either
all must die or someone must end the killing.
My hand grows tired, allow me to stop here. My
next letter will be considerably longer.
Until then I remain your affectionate friend in the South.
J.
Excellent story! The back and forth between
present and past was well done. It was good to
finally learn what happened with Sir Tallis and
how it scarred James. His first patrol was both
hilarious in his ridiculousness but harrowing in
what he had to do. Well done, my friend! Well done!
May He bless you and keep you in His grace and love,
Charles Matthias
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