I usually reply directly to the author but thought I'd go through the list this time.
Welcome to the group. I like to proofread stories sent to the list so that once they get posted to the archiv, they at least make more grammatical sense than some of the earlier stories (assuming the corrections are plugged back into the story). I usually send back only the relevant portions with their corrections.
Okay, no noticed typos, just comments. Nice story.
Sunday, October 22, 2017, 8:52:57 PM, you wrote:
| So at the prompting of my friend Jack, I wrote a story for MK. I'd appreciate any and all feedback. This story takes place in the year 719. |
...
The wind began blowing gently, and I was glad that I had attached the basket to a rope. It pulled in the direction of the wind. I really would need to see Misha about the device I wanted to ensure this went in the direction I wanted. Suddenly, however, there was a snap and we began drifting over the Valley.
“Lodo, why are we moving?”
“Uh, my guess would be that the rope broke somehow. Most peculiar.”
- or if not the rope, its attach point on the basket. just an idea in case it makes a difference for anything.
...
“As soon as most of the hot air in my balloon has gone out. It seems like it will soon.”
“I hope so! I’d hate it if we ended up in the Haunted Woods or—worse—somewhere beyond Giant’s Dike!”
- at that mention, I'm wondering how long it will take Edmund to resolve the haunting and how much longer before it loses the name.
...
Fortunately, the Duke was in good humor about the whole incident. I suggested that we could use my balloons as a form of transportation and military spying. As far as I know, the idea is still in consideration.
- the problem with spying from a balloon is that they can see you.
...
--
Best regards,
AmigaDragon mailto:[email protected]
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