The cartalk.com TIME KILL WEEKLY Special Killing Time in '06 Edition ______________________________________________ Killing Time, Unencumbered by the Work Process ______________________________________________ Maury Maille, Editor
What's new at Car Talk Plaza? Caught! Preparing for the show! Our Technical, Spiritual and Menu Advisor, John Bugsy Lawlor, demonstrates the "Bumper Dumper": Check it out: http://www.cartalk.com/content/timekill/dumper.html OK, we admit it. That was done via the magic of Photoshop, and then printed out and distributed to all of Bugsy's colleagues at the New England Motor Press Association at their 2005 Christmas party. He's still trying to get back all the copies. This posting won't help. Sorry, Bugs! In actual news, we *do* have a little New Year's gift for you. Always looking to improve your ability to kill time more efficiently? Well, we thought you should be the first to hear about our new RSS feeds of the twice-weekly Car Talk column and our weekly Car Talk Puzzler. What the @$&% is RSS? It's a simple way to make sure you're up to date and always see the latest stuff. As soon as there's a new column or puzzler, you'll automatically know about it. For more details or to sign up, take a moment and head over to http://www.cartalk.com/Radio/rss.html Want to lend a hand to making driving less dangerous? A researcher pal of Car Talk's has recently launched a major, national study of near misses on our roads. If you've just had a close call, or know someone who has, you can (anonymously!) do your part to make our roads safer. Just click on "Make Driving Safer" at http://www.cartalk.com Stay tuned to our lousy web site... next week (and you guys are officially the very first to know about it) we'll be launching a totally new, Car Talk cyber-card area- just in time to avoid those nasty postal service rate increases, if you're cheap like us. Yours in killing time throughout 2006, Maury Maille Chief Wiretapper Car Talk Plaza P.S. Here's this week's Lame Joke Of The Week, courtesy of Nathan Oliver. It'll take a minute or two, but it's worth it in our humble, time-killing opinion. Iggy Kowalski The other day I was talking with my buddy Iggy Kowalski about people we knew, and it seemed like he knew everybody. So I said to him, "Iggy, it seems like you know everyone in the world!" Iggy said, "I do! I know every single person in the world." Well, this was ridiculous of course and I told him so, and he gave me three tries to name people he didn't know. I thought about it for a minute, and then said, "I'll bet you don't know my butcher, Stan Marciano." "Oh sure," says Iggy. "Stan used to come over to my house every Saturday for my famous Shish-kabob dinner! How's his son Ralph? Still getting into trouble with that skateboard of his?" Foiled, I thought some more. I had to think of someone who lived out of the city, out of the State. My old friend from school on the other coast, Joseph Bakerman, came to mind. "Oh yeah - I met Joe at a shoeshine convention - he does my taxes and his wife Kate sends me the most wonderful fruitcake every Christmas! Great people." Finally, in exasperation, I say, "OK, wise-guy, I'll bet you don't know the Pope!" "The Pope!" says Iggy. "We grew up together! Used to play pin-the-tail on the heretic!" I had never known Iggy to be a liar, but in desperation I said, "Prove it!" "OK," he said. "Next week is Easter. Lets you and me go to the Vatican and I'll introduce you." This was a little extreme, but I had to stick to my guns and so I accepted. When our plane arrived at the airport there were huge crowds that just got thicker as we made our way to St. Peter's Square. We tried to find a way in around the back, but to no avail. Iggy said, "Look, I'm a small guy and can slip through the crowds easily. Will it be enough proof for you if I stand on the balcony with the Pope during his address?" "If you're standing with the Pope during his Easter address, I will believe that you know him." Iggy slipped off through the masses, and I tried to work my way around to the front of St. Peter's Basilica. But I just couldn't get to a spot where I could see the balcony. Way off in the distance I saw a hill from which I could surely have a direct line of sight. It was in the countryside, way out of town, and I barely made it there before the end of the address. But I couldn't see the balcony well enough; it was too far away! Off in the distance, I say an old man, herding his goats. I thought to myself, "Surely he must have good eyesight to keep track of all those goats running around everywhere." I approached him and digging deep for Italian phrases said, "Excuse me, sir, but can you see that big building way over there with all the statues on top?" Squinting into the distance, he said, "Yes, yes, I believe I can." "And can you see a large balcony above the main door in the middle of the building?" He squinted even more, his bushy eyebrows closing in on his eyes. "Yes, yes, I believe I can." "And is there anyone standing on that balcony?" He squinted even more, which hadn't seemed possible. "Yes, yes, I believe there is." "And," I said, "can you tell me who is standing on that balcony?" His face did something I had never seen before, and I could hardly believe that he could see through those bushy eyebrows. He peered into the distance for a long while, and then said, "Well, I don't know who that guy in the big pointed hat is, but he's standing next to Iggy Kowalski!" *********************************** Write Tom and Ray - Please! Been meaning to write us a witty, genius, evocative, insightful letter? No? All right, forget genius then. How about sending us something funny we could read on the air? Write Tom and Ray right now at http://www.cartalk.com/email/email.html *************** Useful information alert: How to Get a Free Car Talk CD or Booklet Tired of paying auto club dues to an outfit that lobbies against environmental causes? Check out Better World Club-and in the process get a Car Talk CD or booklet for free! Better World is an auto club with genuinely decent values- unlike some others we could name... Whose initials happen to be AAA. Better World Club cares about... *Your environmental interests - it gives 1% of its revenue to environmental clean up and advocacy. *Your consumer interests - it even offers discounts on hybrid rental cars. *And it has the nation's only bicycle roadside assistance program. Dump your AAA membership and join better world! If you join via the Car Talk web site now, you'll get a free Car Talk CD, or a copy of our booklet, 10 Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car without Even Knowing It. Check out Better World Club now at http:://www.cartalk.com ******************** Got more time to kill? This past weekend's new, lousy Car Talk show is now on the web site, at http://www.cartalk.com/Radio/Show/ ******************** Miss the puzzler? Losing sleep over it? Add your e-mail to our Car Talk Puzzler Psychic Friends Network and we'll personally hand deliver Ray's new puzzler to your inbox every Monday. http://www.cartalk.com/ct/maillist.jsp?puzzler_list=subscribe#psychic ******************* Embarrassed by having e-mails from Car Talk in your inbox? Can't say that we blame you. Unsubscribe any time, via http://www.cartalk.com/ct/maillist.jsp?mailing_list=subscribe
