Shit in Gravy
By Isaac Brock
>From Kutie Issue #5
**This story probably has some sort of copyright either by Isaac himself or
perhaps by Kutie so you didn't get this from me...kapeesh?**
You were working as a call girl. You'd set up shop at the hotel that I
was hired to be the nosy neighbor at; I guess the technical term is hotel
detective, but what's the fuckin' difference. My job: sniff around for
drunks, fights, thieves, see if I could smell people smokin' grass. If it's
too blatant, enough to get the hotel a bad rep, I kick 'em out. Usually
these were college kids that went without much trouble. Methheads were easy
enough to spot and way to likely to freak out and make a mess, so I got them
out as soon as they were in, but you always give them a refund. Just a lot
easier that way.
There were a couple of regular uniform cops always within a block or two
of the hotel that would arrest people when I'd guarantee they'd have a sure
bust once they got 'em to empty their pockets or watched 'em long enough to
catch them doin' somethin' stupid. The uniforms show up if things get out
of hand for me at the hotel.
The call girls were actually good for business, as long as they looked
respectable and not like trash.
I'd been watching you hang out in the hotel lounge for quite a while
where you'd meet your johns, have a couple drinks before heading up to your
room to have a business meeting. So to speak. Night after night I watched
you put on your lipstick, always the same color -- raw liver. I noticed you
noticing me notice you put on your lipstick. What the fuck, I guess I might
as well make some small talk. Not really a strong point of mine, but I'd
been gettin' quite a crush on her from all the watchin. "So how are you
doing?" What did I tell ya, not my strong point.
"What brings you out tonight?" I already knew, but that's small talk,
isn't it.
She said she was workin' and I decided I wouldn't pursued that since it
was bound to be a little awkward.
Her Turn. "So what's your story, why are you always around here
starin'?"
I told her that I was the house detective. This made her noticeably
uncomfortable. I knew it would and kind of enjoyed it. "I didn't mean to
make you uncomfortable. But really why should you be?" She could obviously
tell that I was full of shit and I wasn't trying to hide it either.
I said to her in a voice low enough so only she could hear that I could
make sure she didn't end up in the shit and had it easy at the hotel, in
exchange for her services. She agreed to it. I mean, hell, why shouldn't
she, the barter system beat the shit out of a cash bribe, gettin' thrown out
of the hotel or jail.
This went on for about a month. I really started to love her and was
sure she liked me too. I mean, I knew she turned tricks but I was
different. She was kind to me and I to her. She'd always taken a couple
days a week where she wouldn't show up in the hotel and I guess she was
never there before 9 at night, but I never really thought about where she
went. I just kind of figured that her home was the hotel.
Pretty damn stupid of me to not think it through. I decided to follow
her home and found out she wasn't living alone. I brought this up when I
saw her next. "I knew you turned tricks but not that you cheated!"
She could only say "You fuckin' moron. You fucking idiot! The only
reason we've been together is so that I didn't get into trouble or kicked
out of a nice hotel."
We didn't really come in contact with each other for a few days after
that. I was pretty pissed. She just couldn't believe I was such a
delusional jackass. In those few days I figured out from doing some "not
minding my own business" that the guy she's with was pretty nice guy who
worked as a janitor at an elementary school, gettin' paid shit, kind of lame
socially and uglier than shit in gravy. These things, combined with
everyone's need to get laid, sent him to her. I guess they hit it off
somehow. Made sense to each other, started dating and eventually were where
they are now, living together.
I couldn't stand seeing her anymore. I don't know, I guess no one likes
having to be reminded how stupid they are. I told her to quit coming to the
hotel or face the consequences. She didn't mind much and mentioned that it
made her uncomfortable having regulars anyway.
