Here is part 2 of Band-a-minute: Will Oldham - If I could fuck a lyric. O' lord, if I could make a dollar. Jandek - Who? Tar - Same chord. Different rhythm. Different chord. Same rhythm. Neat! Metal guitars! Unwound - We don't care. NoS We really don't care. Sunny Day Real Estate - I'm like Merlin in that I grow younger with age. Kumbaya..... Flying Luttenbachers - I like jazz. I like jazz and death metal. I like death metal. Labradford - I'm bored, let's get a bass player. (gets bass player) I'm bored, let's get a sampler. (gets sampler) I'm bored, let's get a string section. (gets string section) I'm bored, I'll start a side project. Ben Lee - I screw Claire Danes. Now you hate me even more. Breadwinner - I like Metallica. I've got a calculator. Bedhead - See bedtime. If we have beards, people won't think we're children. Pere Ubu - We're just playing this way to distract you from the vocals. The VSS - Atari ruined my life. Helium - I'm snotty, but pretty, so I boss my band mates around. Polvo - What are guitars? The Gravity Records roster - bang bang boom crash. Where's my cowboy shirt? How did I get so dirty? Melt Banana - yip eep eep epp hi yip aiiiiiiiiiiiiii Monorchid - I am very very punk. I have read Vineland and I too appreciate midgets and ninjas. Elliott Smith - Grease is the flavor of the month! The Sea and Cake - Hellllooo, ladies... Mountain Goats - I have been many, manyS many places. Now I will sing. Sleater-Kinney - Our sexual orientation is ambiguous which allows us mainstream success. The Magnetic Fields - I'm sad and gay, and boy do I love ABBA! Stars of the Lid - What? Sonic Youth - We're old and WAY past washed-up, but maybe Macauly Culkin will improve our image and draw attention from our drummer's weight problem. Fred Frith - I have put many, many... MANY things in my guitar strings. Dirty 3 - How much beer can a new album buy us? Now it is story time. Guitar Wolf - Lock n' Loll! Nashville Pussy - Motorhead RULES!!!! (all these tits and pyrotechnics draws attention from our lousy music) Man or Astroman? - Our schtick works SO well we're still funny the second time around. Sean Na Na - See Damian Jurado. Damian Jurado - See Grape Ape. The Crainium - Look at my new toaster. It's like a man. Look at my new blender. It's like a woman. Endpoint - See a retarded woman singing Rites Of Spring songs. Metamatics - Sloppy guitars and leftist politics are a happy marriage. Shudder To Think - The Last of the Eunuchs. Nation of Ulysses - Being tired warrants running a country. Spacemen 3 - It's all about droning, droning, shooting smack, droning, droning, praising the Sonics, droning droning. We'll let the Vox organ go on for a bit. Slamdek Record Co. - "Time Bomb!" The Red Crayola - We'll make up Drag City records, and be a part of them because we're the epitome of "fucked up." Modest Mouse - See a retarded boy singing Pixies songs. Daniel Johnston - See a retarded boy. Wesley Willis - See a retarded black boy. Promise Ring - If I wasn't bald, I'd be a child. Doldrums - Join us in our obsession with Chinese culture and guitar solos. Cap'n Jazz - Kitty Kitty, I sing off key. My friend is bald. He plays with me. Doggy Doggy, alphabet soup. Screaming Trees - We're just big boned, that's all. The Warmers - Maybe we should've tried harder to find a guitarist. Murder City Devils - See G'n'R (Where's Axl? WHERE'S AXL?!?!?!) Fugazi - We're sorry. Two of our members are responsible for hardcore and emo, respectively. We're much better now, though. Codeine - BOOM sniff CRASH BOOM BOOM CRASH Lowercase - Kill the lights, I'm almost dead. Braid - The Thinking Man's Promise Ring. the hal al Shedad - No, I'm not British. Don't call me emo. Steve Albini - See Ted Nugent. . ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead - If we break things on stage people won't notice Sonic Youth. The Black Heart Procession - Change keys! For the love of God... CHANGE KEYS!!!!! The Jesus Lizard - See Public Image Limited. Public Image Limited - See Plastic Ono Band. TransAm - Hey! Who put that Rush in my Kraftwerk?! Climax Golden Twins - I love the Discovery Channel. Liz Phair - Fuck fuck fuck. (has baby) Darn darn darn. Sebadoh - Boy gets kicked out of hip band, writes many songs about it. Boy gets dumped by girlfriend, writes many, many songs about it. Boy gets married, moves to L.A. and has nothing to write songs about. Elliott - Band or busboys? You make the call. Retsin - See Indigo Girls. Guided By Voices - I am a heavy drinker who enjoys The Who. You are fired. Now, a high kick. Oval - My CD player is broken. Press record. Aerial M - zzzzzz... oh... what? Yeah yeah yeah, that was me in that band. Thanks for the cash. Thee Speaking Canaries - I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad! I'm Arthur Treacher. Storm & Stress - You'd like us if you had more patience. Angelhair - BLLLAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! The Locust - BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (keyboard) Rye Coalition - Hey, Tony Stilletto, thanks for coming out! So what if our bassist looks like Ricky Martin, you piece of shit! A Minor Forest - We're only getting away with this because we're on Thrill Jockey. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
