3. D00d! H0w D00 1 uN$ub$cr1b3?!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!???????!?!?!?!?!!!!
Simply write the word "unsubscribe" on the back of a hundred dollar bill
and send it to:
CrackMonkey Unsubscription Service
1 St Francis Place #5209
San Francisco, CA 94107
and we will be happy to send you the appropriate forms. Once you receive
the forms, you will be able to order an authorization key for
downloading the special CrackMonkey unsubscription software. Once your
key arrives in the mail, simply go to the crackmonkey unsubscription web
page and fill in your key along with appropriate personal information.
In addition to the disclaimer that your home address and e-mail will be
given to targeted advertising groups across the nation, there are some
limitations to the availability of the CrackMonkey unsubscription
software. First, the software contains encryption, so it cannot be
downloaded by someone living outside of the continental US (our
sophisticated server will check your address for proof of this). Second,
the software contains certain algorithms that are patented under US
patent law, so it cannot be downloaded by someone living in the United
States (our sophisticated server will check your address for proof of
this).
Once you have received the software, simply refer to the extensive
300-page manual (available in hardcover or trade paperback from
CrackMonkey publishing, Inc. for the affordable sum of $400 plus
shipping and handling charges and kickbacks for the courier service).
You should be able to unsubscribe from any crackmonkey mailing list
version 2.3 or prior (note: a patch for the current 4.3 crackmonkey list
is in the works, and should be available by Christmas 1999! On a similar
note, the new 5.0 crackmonkey list should be in operation by October
1999!).
In addition to unsubscribing you from the mailing list, you will also
receive (as our gift to you for a mere additional $4.99) a
strontium-plated CrackMonkey yoyo, complete with 30-page instruction
booklet and lead-lined asbestos oven mitt! Note that this is not
commonly available in the United States due to federal regulations, but
it is possible through the crackmonkey rider in the latest CDA bill!
