what a kind tribute David..you are also a warm heart..I was lucky to
meet him whenhe stopped in my shop in the 80s while going to
cinevent..i sold hime some bond, and kubrick..he was a gentle giant,
funny andalways full of laughs..his emails where always funny andhe was
just one of the good guys...so thanks for your great words David.I am
sure he heard them
havea great day.
Tom
On 2017-08-29 04:31, David Kusumoto wrote:
On this date last year, we lost Adrian Cowdry. I'd actually forgotten
the exact date - but archiving has the downside of auto-reminding me
about anniversaries. Re-reading what I wrote to the list two days
later - it's obvious, as I privately told others later, I didn't want
Adrian's death to be noted as "just another passing" - because he was
so much more than movie posters - things I wanted the collecting group
to know. Others who knew Adrian in person - (you know who you are) -
have comforted me since - by noting they think Adrian would have been
"OK" with my decision to put his thoughts out there last year - and
framing them as those belonging to a warmly rational man. -d.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: MoPo List <[email protected]> on behalf of David
Kusumoto <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2016 7:23 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Adrian Cowdry, 1964-2016
Adrian Cowdry, 1964-2016
* I'm writing this to amplify the dimensions of a charismatic man we
have all lost. I never met Adrian in person. But over two decades, we
engaged in zillions of conversations that went well beyond his known
affection for movie posters, World War II history, conservative U.K.
politics, Harley Davidson motorcycles - and of course, all things
James Bond.
* Adrian was only 52 when he took his own life - and it appears that
he engineered his death to coincide with his birthday, which was two
days ago, on August 29. He was a passionate thinker, going against the
grain on many issues, peppering his commentaries with hilariously
worded language. Standing at 6-5 - he was literally and figuratively a
larger-than-life man.
* We shared dark ideologies about the meaning of life, politics and
families. (He leaves behind a wife and three grown children.) While I
do not know how Adrian chose to end his life - nor the specific
catalysts that spurred him - our many exchanges included emails (which
I've spent hours re-reading today) - which suggest how death - whether
by natural causes or otherwise - was regarded as a matter-of-fact
subject for both of us - albeit for different reasons.
* (NOTE: the following is my opinion, not fact.) In my view, Adrian's
feelings about suicide had hardened during the past 10 years. It is
also my view that he was NOT mentally ill, which is a reflexive
diagnosis given by others who react to this type of horror. I believe
Adrian's views solidified as the result of at least three gigantic
events: 1) getting cancer in 2008 and joining the list of millions of
"survivors" who go into remission - but are forever haunted by its
possible return; 2) the suicide of his terminally ill father in
December 2013; and, 3) the death of his mother just 36 hours later,
by, in Adrian words, "a broken heart." His parents had been married
for 50 years.
* For all his joviality and cutting wit - Adrian was a serious and
practical man - who strived for perfection in everything he did.
Today, as I reflect on his great but short life, I am struck by the
following passages, excerpted over several emails we exchanged in 2013
and 2014. THESE ARE ADRIAN'S OWN WORDS:
------------------------------
* "There is an argument for euthanasia and assisted suicide. You
would not allow a dog to suffer in this way. The arguments about
playing god are strong - but not as strong as (making sure that) your
loved ones do not suffer..."
* "Like you, I do not have any religious bent, I do not condemn
anyone their faith - but I cannot believe in an all-seeing creator. I
do believe, however - that our bodies are not the be all and end
all...I firmly believe that souls live on. Whether they remain to help
loved ones - or to just keep an eye (on us) - I am not sure. But I
often feel the presence of folk from my past who were close to me."
* "And I often dream that I am conversing and perhaps even receiving
messages from them, (such as), "tell so and so not to worry about us,
because all is well..." This could be my subconscious speaking - for
which I have no explanation - so I go with the flow and accept them
for what they are - that they are dreams with possible messages."
* "And like you I (sometimes) feel the presence of someone (who has
passed). My great uncle was a master baker who taught me a lot about
cooking. He was from Yorkshire and he taught me how to make Yorkshire
puds by (a strict) rule of thumb. And now every time I make them, I
still remember how he used to say to me, "you're doing good, lad." And
as you say, I do remember facial expressions and idiosyncrasies. I'd
like to think (there is more to life) than just conception (and)
death. I do feel that the soul lives on."
* "I OFTEN FEEL THAT FOLK GAIN COMFORT KNOWING THEIR LOVED ONES ARE
(ALWAYS) AROUND. LOVE IS SUCH A STRONG EMOTION THAT KEEPS THOSE WHO
HAVE PASSED - IN ONE'S MIND. AND IN MANY WAYS - THIS KEEPS THEM
(FOREVER) ALIVE. ...(BUT) YOU WOULD NOT ALLOW A DOG TO SUFFER. NO
HUMAN SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS. YOUR DAD WILL BE AT PEACE WHEN HE PASSES
AND YOU WILL REMEMBER THE BETTER TIMES BEFORE THIS LAST PHASE OF HIS
LIFE."
------------------------------ * BTW, in the last excerpt - Adrian is
referring to struggles I had with my Dad, who passed away last year
from Alzheimer's. It is obvious, when I read Adrian's own hand - that
he was a deep thinker, a philosopher, a man in touch with his
accomplishments - as well as a man with a tactile sense of humanity,
of suffering, of his own mortality, trying to gain full control and
measure of his own destiny - instead of being dragged behind it.
* Like everyone else, I grieve for him and will miss him
tremendously. But I'm comforted that despite being an empirical sort -
and because Adrian himself always believed the soul lives on - I will
too. He will forever speak to me from the beyond. - d.
* Closing with Adrian's signature sign off,
"THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO THE OTHER FELLA...."
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