"*i'm stayin' right here! It's too high*!"

He said nothing and went on.  I saw him collapse and pant and get up and
make his run again.

I nudged myself closer into the ledge and closed my eyes and thought "Oh
what a life this is, why do we have to be born in the first place, and only
so we can have our poor gentle flesh laid out to such impossible horrors as
huge mountains and rock and empty space," and with horror I remembered the
the famous Zen saying, "When you get to the top of a mountain, keep
climbing."  The saying made my hair stand on end; it had been such a cute
poetry sitting on Alvah's straw mats.  Now it was enough to make my heart
pound and my heart bleed for being born at all.

"In fact, when Japhy gets to the top of that crag he will keep climbing, the
way the wind's blowing.  Well this old philosopher is staying right here",
 and I closed my eyes.  "Besides," I thought, "rest and be kind, you don't
have to prove anything."  Suddenly I heard a beautiful broken yodel of a
strange musical and mystical intensity in the wind, and looked up, and it
was Japhy standing on top of the Matterhorn peak letting out his triumphant
mountain-conquering Buddha Mountain Smashing song of joy.  It was beautiful.
It was funny too, up here on the not-so-funny top of California and in all
that rushing fog.  But I had to hand it to him, the guts, the endurance, the
sweat, and now the crazy human singing: whipped cream on top of ice cream.
 I didn't have enough strength to answer his yodel.  He ran around up there
and went out of sight to investigate the little flat top of some kind (he
said) that ran a few feet west and then dropped sheer back down maybe as far
as I care to the sawdust floors of Vrginia City.  It was insane.  I could
hear him yelling at me but I just nudged farther in my protective nook,
trembling.  I looked down at the small lake where Morley was lying on his
back with a blade of grass in his mouth and said out loud "now there's the
karma of these three men here: Japhy Ryder gets to his triumphant
mountaintop and makes it.  I almost make it and have to give up and huddle
in a bloody cave, but the smartest of them all is that poet's poet lyin down
there with his knees crossed to the sky chewing on a flower dreaming by a
gurgling *plage*, goddamit they'll never get me up here again."


"Some more rocks clatter up above.  Suddenly I'm frightened.
"Chris" I say.
"What"?
"you know what I think?"
"No. What?"
"I think we'd be very smart if we let that mountaintop go for now and try it
another summer."
He's silent, then he says "Why?"
"I have bad feelings about it."
He doesn't say anything for a long time.  Finally he says, "Like What?"
"Oh, I just think that we could get caught up there in a storm or a slide or
something and we'd be in real trouble."
We continue walking down.  "Okay?" I say.
He finally says, "Okay", in a noncommittal voice.


"You're not very brave, are you?" Chris says.
"No" I answer, and pull the rind of a slice of salami between my teeth to
remove the meat. "But you'd be astonished at how smart I am."
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