Dear Jason.
Relax, nervous breakdown for the reasons that you state is a sign
of "nobility" if I may say so, and something I would hope many
more would experience if you forgive my fatuous comment. I guess
you are fairly young and looking at the shallow attitudes of most
youngsters today you are certainly a rare bird and someone I would
have liked to know better.
But having said this I do of course know what you mean and
identify strongly with your plight. Yet, before launching into the
story of my life or some long-winded speech, feel free to write in
some more detail about your path to this position you are in. Both
biographical and metaphysical as far as you have words for them. I
guess you have because you write so well.
I directed you to the moq.org and the forum there, but please don't
pay too much attention to what is said by all people there. This
morning there were some letters that I wouldn't believe were by
grown-ups. I won't even start proselyte for the Metaphysics of
Quality or Zen before your level of understanding is more clear to
me - we all want to be the top from where we see it all, but there
are always something more to be learned.
This advice or comfort however: The things one fear the most never
happens. The feeling of "now I am turning mad..." I know so well,
but after sixty-some years it hasn't yet materialized. Also, maybe
you are in some other trouble - I mean exposed to some life
situation that isn't right for you, there is no purely psychological
and purely physical (actual) division, the two interact strongly.
Enough said. Feel free to write.
Bodvar
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