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Lead Article
Can My Spouse and I Use the Same Attorney?
Divorce is not always contentious and adversarial. If you and
your spouse are able to effectively communicate and agree upon all of the terms
of a global settlement, it is not necessary to resort to courts and litigation.
Those lucky few who fit into this category sometimes consider using the same
attorney.
Using the same attorney is a huge mistake. Attorneys are not only subject to
laws governing their conduct, they must abide by ethical codes and opinions. It
is generally considered a conflict of interests to represent both parties in a
divorce or separation. In the event that you are able to find an attorney who is
willing to represent you and your spouse, you should be very wary. It is
generally considered unwise and impossible to adequately represent both parties
in drafting a Settlement Agreement or in obtaining a Divorce.
In preparing a Settlement Agreements, there are intricacies involved in the
wording of different provisions that will inherently favor one party or another.
Without a legal education, and knowledge of matrimonial and family law, these
legal pitfalls are not apparent. Attorney advocate for the wording of the
Agreement to best protect the current and future rights of their clients. The
same attorney representing the Wife will negotiate for a specific wording on a
paragraph, but if representing the Husband would negotiate for a different
wording. As a result, most matrimonial attorneys consider it impossible to draft
a neutral Agreement.
Nine times out of ten, even in the most amicable of divorces, issues arise
that require either some negotiation or the assistance of an attorney. It is the
job of an attorney to advocate for the position of his or her client. If the
clients have differing opinions, the attorney cannot effectively represent
either client. A conflict of interests will arise forcing the attorney to
withdraw from representing both parties.
If the parties are unable to agree, the attorney can no longer represent both
parties. If this occurs, you and your spouse will be in the position of having
to start all over again. You will both have to retain separate attorneys and
begin negotiations from scratch. The time and money invested in proceeding with
the same lawyer will be wasted, thus resulting in unnecessary cost and delay.
If you believe that a settlement can be quickly and easily obtained, the best
course of action is for you and your spouse to hire separate lawyers. Before you
do so, ask other people for referrals to attorneys who will assist you in
finalizing an amicable divorce. You do not want to retain attorneys who will
advocate an ongoing battle or court room litigation to the detriment of you,
your spouse, your children and your wallet.
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Book Review
I. The Mother's Custody Handbook
Understand Your rights
The custody and visitation decisions that are made during and after divorce or
separation will dictate your children's future, which makes the short time spent
reading this book absolutely invaluable. This resource will ease your
uncertainty and let you regain some confidence and emotional stability
throughout this extremely difficult experience.
Featuring...
- 81 Frequently Asked Questions About Child Custody.
- State-by-State Child Custody Laws and Principles.
- State-by-State Moral Conduct Code.
- Sample Parenting Agreement.
- Complete Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction & Enforcement Act.
- Comprehensive Divorce Glossary.
- 10 Individual Worksheets/Forms.
The
Mother's Child Custody Handbook
II. The Father's Custody Handbook
Understand Your Rights
The custody and visitation decisions that are made during and after divorce or
separation will dictate your children's future, which makes the short time spent
reading this book absolutely invaluable. This resource will ease your
uncertainty and let you regain some confidence and emotional stability
throughout this extremely difficult experience.
Featuring...
- 81 Frequently Asked Questions About Child Custody.
- State-by-State Child Custody Laws and Principles.
- State-by-State Moral Conduct Code.
- Sample Parenting Agreement.
- Complete Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction & Enforcement Act.
- Comprehensive Divorce Glossary.
- 10 Individual Worksheets/Forms.
The
Father's Child Custody Handbook
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Book Review
Mom's House Dad's House: Making Two
Homes for Your Child
by Ricci Isolina, Ph.D.
The Amazon Review for this Book provides:
According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of
all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large
in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House
guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and
confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse
in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised
edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and
legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one
parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend.
To review this book, follow the title link above.
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this filing status allows. If you did so, you may be held responsible for monies
due, even if your spouse earned all of the income - And this is true even
if a divorce decree states that your spouse will be responsible for any amounts
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Guest
Article
Joint Physical Custody: Smart
Solution or Problematic Plan
by Roz Zinner
Q. My husband and I are separated, and he has our kids at his apartment every
other weekend. Just when things seemed a little less crazy, he announced he
wanted joint custody. What should I do?
A. Don�t panic. First, find out whether he wants to share legal custody
or physical custody. In either case, it could be a positive move. Whether it
works for you and your children depends on several factors we�ll describe.
What�s the difference between legal and physical custody?
Physical custody refers to the parent�s right to have the children
actually live in their home, and in joint physical custody the children have two
primary residences, even if time in each is not equal. Joint legal custody
refers to the shared responsibility, regardless of where the children are
living, for making such major decisions as where they will go to school and what
their religious upbringing will be. Frequently divorcing couples share one type
of joint custody without the other.
What are the advantages of joint custody?
Living in both households allows children to maintain a strong
relationship with both parents. Fathers who share physical custody tend to
spend much more time with their children, and mothers (and fathers) need
periods of relief from the demands of single parenting. When both parents
are available, children enjoy the unique gifts of guidance, discipline,
and demonstrated love of each parent. Additionally, your children will
learn that men can nurture and women can take charge.
Children benefit when parental relations are cooperative and there are
no ongoing custody battles. Even if you feel very angry with him over the
breakup, you may be able to cooperate in parenting your children. If you
can tolerate sharing physical custody, chances you both will be more
satisfied and less likely to return to court. Your children will have less
opportunity to manipulate, and will learn that even painful, serious
conflicts can be resolved in a civil way.
3. Children in shared physical custody have "normal time" with both
parents. When mothers have sole custody, "Sunday Dads" often shower
kids with costly activities and gifts aimed at making up for lost time. This is
turn generates resentment from mothers who are left with the less glamorous jobs
of setting limits and disciplining. When your children live part-time with both
of you, these inequities tend to disappear.
4. Joint physical custody may lessen or eliminate the traumatic sense of loss
and rejection children often feel when a parent moves out. If your children are
allowed continuous access to both parents, they are more likely to adjust to the
divorce and be able to focus on, " the totally absorbing business of
growing up, on schedule" (from Mom�s House, Dad�s House by
Isolina Ricci).
5. Children may benefit materially. 75% of fathers with joint custody pay
child support regularly, compared to 46% of fathers whose ex-wives have sole
custody.
What are the disadvantages of shared custody?
Children�s daily lives can resemble Ping-Pong balls. This is
particularly true when there are no consistent schedules planned ahead of
time, and children move back and forth at the whim of parental needs. As a
very general rule, young children need much more frequent access to
parents, while middle school children and older may enjoy and tolerate
longer stays with each parent. When you have several children with
different age-related needs, it may be difficult to come up with a plan
that works to each one�s benefit.
The "bounce" syndrome is compounded when each child�s
developmental, educational, and social needs are not considered. Children
with learning disabilities, for example, will have more trouble organizing
their schoolwork when they shuttle between 2 homes. If, for example, you are
both keeping track of school assignments, gaps easily occur. "I thought
you were keeping up with his math" is a familiar refrain.
The psychological impact may be a sense of lack of control and chaos in
a child�s life. Predictability and stability help children develop
confidence and the ability to take reasonable risks. If your children
experience life as unpredictable or out of their control, they are more
likely misbehave develop somatic symptoms, or become depressed.
3. Expenses are greater in maintaining two full residences. You�ll
double of everything: clothing, furniture, and other necessities.
4. When parents have unresolved marital issues, the demands of sharing
physical custody can make things worse. You will need more constant discussion
and negotiation around everyday activities, and this contact may compound the
hurt or anger you already feel. In contrast, a sole custody arrangement with
visitation requires minimal ex-spouse contact, and allows you both greater
freedoms to move forward in your lives.
What factors should I consider in deciding whether joint physical custody
could work?
Trust level around parenting issues during your marriage.
Strength of both your motivations to make it work.
Children�s ages, needs, and personalities.
Financial situation.
Level of emotional adjustment of both parents prior to the divorce.
Shared custody works best when:
Parents can maintain a civil, business-like relationship.
Arrangements are planned around the children�s needs and
developmental requirements.
Schedules are predictable and stable but flexible enough to change when
circumstances dictate it.
Parents live in physical proximity.
Parents are careful to support and not undermine each other, regardless
of their feelings about each other.
Financial resources are available to maintain two full residences.
*Children whose parents are in less conflict will fare best in either
arrangement.
How can we develop a fair agreement?
Divorce mediation offers the best structure for discussing and negotiating
both large and small details of your parenting agreement. Our adversarial
system, in contrast, sets you up to do battle with each other, and allows
lawyers and judges to negotiate decisions for you. This can be expensive both
financially and emotionally. Once a downward cycle of demands and accusations
gets started, it�s very difficult to reach agreement, and even harder to
generate long-term good will.
Mediators are specially trained professionals, usually with legal or mental
health background, who help couples work through animosity and pain to resolve
conflicts about children and finances. In mediation, you and your spouse will
make the important decisions about what parenting agreement is best for your
family.
Joint physical custody-yes or no?
Separation is a crisis that turns your world upside down, and some days you
wish you could just wake up to a different reality. There are so many decisions
to make, and your parenting/custody agreement is probably the most important
one. You know you�ll have to live with it for the next 20 years. Whether
joint physical custody is a smart solution or a problematic plan depends on your
unique situation.
Ms. Zinner is a licensed clinical social worker, member of the Academy of
Family Mediators.
www.mediate-divorce.com
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