To all paranoid DFLers: "Just because your are paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you!" Just a warning from your middling friends. Over the last few months we have received notice, from several reliable sources, reports of clandestine meetings of Republicans being held in several parts of the city. Although most of their meetings to date have been rather difficult to break into, word has it that several cells have established themselves. Some of these cells are reporting membership approaching the upper single digits! With no surviving leadership from their glory days, they have been receiving guidance from undercover suburbanites, who have apparently been subsidizing the movement by providing donuts and coffee for the meetings. Word has it that the 13th ward cell actually serves some rather elitist type hors d'oeuvres and wine. After the meetings, the men folk of this cell have actually been known to share a cigar over some brandy. The next thing you know they will be meeting right out in public! The Minneapolis Mushy Middlers just want you loco DFLers to know that we are united with you on this issue. As Jude pointed out, these "investigations are destroying the credibility of the DFL." Not that we are supporters of DFL positions, but as everyone knows, without the DFL where would we find the middle on issues? My goodness, if the Greens replace the DFL we might have to lean so far left that we might loose our balance. What do we do in the face of this attack? I believe that Jude is suggesting that the first item of business should be to stop all these investigations of DFLers. As he mentions, there are thousands of white color criminals out there that could be pursued instead. (Shrewd idea here. Sort of turning the tables on the profiling concept. Everyone knows that "white color" criminals are most likely Republicans) Besides all that, do we really need to investigate the Plumbers Union? How else are union officials supposed to get politicians attention if they can't rip off their members for a few thou once and awhile. In a hastily convened meeting of the Minneapolis Mushy Middle Central Committee we believe however, that we have come up with a more balanced approach. We are recommending to the DA's office that henceforth for every DFL crooked deal they uncover we make them find a GOP crooked deal. In that way the citizens of Minneapolis can be comfortable that crooks of both sides are being punished and the political fallout will be evenly dispersed. And those of us in the middle can maintain our proper sense of balance. Respectfully submitted, Bob Gustafson 13th Ward Chair Minneapolis Mushy Middlers
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