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This discussion is very complicated. Like how about
talking about Class and Race? I get so sick of hearing people say that the
African American kids aren't doing as well because of their parents -- how about
the schools taking some responsibility for years of white privilege and the
damage it has wrought? I am a BIG public school supporter. But I
think that means CRITICAL SUPPORT. When we had our Parents of African
American Student group at Seward, I, as a
white-financially-secure parent of an African American kid, learned
a ton from the African American, African immigrant and other white
parents. And much of what I learned was about how frustrating it was to
try to deal with a hierarchy that thought it was being sensitive, but in
reality, was often disrespectful and intimidating. A number of the parents
had poverty issues that made it difficult for them to get to school, either
during or after school. That did not mean that they did not support their
kids. It did not mean that they did not care. It did mean that it
was hard to get to events. A number of the parents had tried to deal with
the administration about issues and felt that they were being talked down to,
not listened to. If I had to hear from one more white middle
class parent of a white kid that "I don't know why the African
American parents want to meet together, we all have the same concerns", I was
going to puke. We do not all have the SAME concerns. Yes, we all
want our kids to do well, want decent lunchs, more gym, etc. But there are
issues for the parents of kids of color and kids of poverty that ARE
different. I heard many many complaints from parents that they felt their
kids were being tracked, not seen as being high achieving when they really were,
being written off if they were having problems, and the parents felt like they
were not respected when they tried to deal with this. Well, yes, you
could say, that happens to white middle class parents too -- and I'm sure it
does. But not to the extent that it happens to the parents of color.
I saw it with my own eyes. I would often be pushed by the other
parents to be the point person because I could talk the same talk as the
administration and I wasn't intimidated. This "blame the parents"
attitude is a killer when it is being communicated, even subtlely, to
parents whose children are having trouble in school. I think I
mentioned before how my son's kindergarten teacher very condescendingly
suggested that my son's problems [which turned out to be ADD and serious
dyslexia] were because I didn't read to him enough... I can only imagine
how a parent of color or poverty would feel. And what about a parent who
didn't really learn how to read in the Mpls public schools decades
earlier? Does that mean that their kid doesn't deserve to learn how to
read? Most of the teachers are well meaning and hard working. This
is a larger systemic problem and it doesn't help anyone to blame the parents or
the teachers. We all have to look honestly at the problems and try to
solve them.
Diane Wiley
Powderhorn
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