-----Original Message----- From: Jay Clark [SMTP:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] Sent: Wednesday, December 04, 2002 11:00 PM To: Minneapolis Issues Subject: [Mpls] Goose Poop Glaciers at Lake Nokomis
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mel's reply to the below I think it is time to thin the geese flock and have the homeless harvest the geese....Maybe even sell a few. Urban farming to go along with neighborhood gardens. Mel Gregerson Whittier ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ While debate swirls around gangs, taxes, and highways, list members ignore the greatest crisis facing Minneapolis: goose poop at Lake Nokomis. Geologists believe that 18,000 years ago Minnesota was covered by ice sheets originating in northern Quebec. Anybody who uses the paths around Lake Nokomis knows that this theory is wrong. In fact, the last ice age was triggered by Lake Nokomis goose poop. Today, Lake Nokomis is a goose poop disaster zone. Goose poop tar pits here, goose poop avalanches there, and little green landmines everywhere. At the biggest goose poop debris field, people take desperate measures to try to get across unscathed. One guy grabbed a big stick and tried to pole vault over the poop. A figure skater attempted to triple axle her way across the mess. I took a running start and practised my high hurdles. All in vain. Anybody foolish enough to venture into the goose poop morasse is doomed to having his boots sink deep into the green muck. And every day the goose poop piles get bigger and bigger. By day hundreds of geese wallow in the lake, honking and laughing at us. By night they waddle onto land, feasting on the grass and leaving behind their calling cards. 18,000 years ago, the goose poop piles reached such an incredible depth that they began to wobble and wiggle and ooze. They combined into massive goose poop glaciers, flowing across the land and engulfing Minnesota and half of North America. The Lake Nokomis goose poop glaciers were so immense and so heavy and so unstable that they knocked the planet off its axis, plunging the northern hemisphere into an ice age lasting thousands of years. Looking at the green goo encrusted in my sneaker treads, I'd say that we are again facing a climatic catastrophe. Using a Cray computer, I have calculated that if the geese continue using Lake Nokomis as an all-you-can-eat buffet for only a few more weeks, great goose poop glaciers will again gush forth across the continent, extinguishing civilization as we know it. Our occupational responsibilities will revert back to throwing sticks at cave bears and woolly mammoths. Only Mother Nature can save us now. If she freezes Lake Nokomis solid before the goose poop reaches critical mass, then the geese will fly south, and civilization and pedestrian footwear will be saved for another year. Jay Clark Cooper _______________________________________ Minneapolis Issues Forum - A City-focused Civic Discussion - Mn E-Democracy Post messages to: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Subscribe, Unsubscribe, Digest, and more: http://e-democracy.org/mpls _______________________________________ Minneapolis Issues Forum - A City-focused Civic Discussion - Mn E-Democracy Post messages to: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Subscribe, Unsubscribe, Digest, and more: http://e-democracy.org/mpls
