Said Sheriff will then have the problem of figuring out what to do with a crippled old lady with an attitude and too long a sentence to confine in jail. If I remember correctly the only accessible long term correctional facility in the metro area for women is the State Prison in Shakopee. Of course, they can't just put a crippled old lady into general population at a prison full of felons half her age doing time for violent crime. I should thusly get a private room with complimentary room service and hopefully internet access so I can keep the list posted on my punishment. Of course, to open up a cell in solitary they'll have to release a violent felon prematurely... I imagine these arrangements for my improper imprisonment will take a while to set up, and though my trial date is next month I'll probably be doing time over the winter. It'll be different living without the drafts and occasional frozen plumbing of my uninsulated house, but I must be punished for my criminal violation of the painting provisions of the housing code!
Meanwhile, back at my now unoccupied most humble abode on Crack Street it should take the gangbangers about 2 days to figure out that my house is empty and move in. By the time the snow melts and I'm released they'' probably have cranked up every heating device in the house full blast, resulting in a short burst of great heat and then a lot of smoke, cinders, and prolonged cold. Of course, by this time I'll probably be unemployed due to 90 days of unexcused absence. My vehicles having been destroyed by the fire, I'll take Metro Mobility over to the Post Office and pick up the undelivered mail. In said mail will be a bunch more criminal charges for failure to fence, tear down, and do who knows what else with a burnt down house. With any luck I'll get to serve the sentences concurrently... only in Minneapolis could failing to repaint your trim lead to a life of crime!
Meanwhile, while we prisoners of the Paint Police do hard time real criminals walk the streets of Minneapolis. But hey, we wouldn't want criminals to have to look at a house with ugly unpainted trim? That's be a crime!
enjoying the AC and pigging out at an Oriental buffet on Faribeau's lovely Main Street,
Dyna Sluyter
p.s.: Faribeau's downtown is being revived by immigrant businesses that could have moved to Minneapolis- but then they'd have to paint their trim and who knows what all else. Current heat index is in the 90s, my house isn't air conditioned, but our new jail is... maybe I should turn myself in?
TEMPORARY REMINDER: 1. Don't feed the troll! Ignore obvious flame-bait. 2. If you don't like what's being discussed here, don't complain - change the subject (Mpls-specific, of course.)
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