Whilst driving through rural Minnesota and Wisconsin yesterday I had something of an epithany. For years I'd marvelled at folks neat as a pin rural homesteads, and only wished I could have something similar. Then, the answer came to me- these folks have marked, fenced, and established those homesteads.
Now one of the ways you do this is to set boundaries. In fact, it's best to set local limits rather than just be borged into the big city. Thusly, my little corner on the Northside will henceforth be known as Sluyter's Corner. Granted, governmental units own the other 3 quadrants but they've shown no interest in naming rights and my family's been here twice as long as MNDOT and the late unlamented MCDA. Like Wisconsin's Unincorporated Towns, Sluyter's Corner will be on the next DeLorme's Atlas and Gazetter and may actually enforce speed limits.
Having defined one's space the next thing one must do is enforce it, usually with fences. Now in the country one uses fences to keep the domesticated animals from escaping. Here in Minneapolis we use fences to keep the more feral 2 legged critters from invading. So my next project is to totally surround my little homestead here at Sluyter's Corner with the strongest agricultural fence possible- something that would withstand a charge by the biggest and meanest animal in our urban jungle. I suspect by the time I get done with fencing my homestead, fixing the worst of my drafty windows, and a bit of insulating it'll be too cold to paint trim.
Of course those same fences that keep the more feral humanoids out will also deter our housing inspectors from their self appointed rounds. Even a measly 6 foot tall backyard fence can hide a good sized RV or a small bio fueled district heating plant. None the less our Housing Inspections folks still have plenty of other properties to cite for criminal possession of peeling paint- I took a look around the block and found that the majority of buildings have peeling paint in varying stages and quantities. Driving about the city I've seen similar profusion of peeling paint even in some of the nicer neighborhoods. This means Housing Inspections has a "gotcha" offense to demand protection money from most any homeowner in the city. The formal term for this crime is extortion, and perhaps our Housing Inspections operations are overdue for RICO investigations.
From a practical point of view our city's threat to imprison us citizens for criminal possession of peeling paint rings hollow. In a city where wanted felons run the streets for years unmolested I suspect that our police department won't be hauling in many of us home decor outlaws. With the county charging $187.50 for booking not to mention at least an hour or so of police time for each of us apprehended this is a losing proposition. For those of us that are able to answer the city's summons to trial I suspect the city will push for fines rather than jail time. Of course, if we could afford fines up to a thousand dollars we'd have had our homes professionally painted.
There is some question if housing inspections even has jurisdiction here on Sluyter's Corner. Putting aside the issue of defects in the 1803 purchase from the French, did the French even own the property? Moving forward in history a bit, the city issued a permit for the building outside of the fire prevention district of a 16 foot by 24 foot one and one half story wood frame dwelling on Sluyter's Corner in 1887. Nowhere in that permit is there a requirement that my home be painted. In fact, there is no evidence that the city even inspected my home at construction and for some decades thereafter. Without benefit of permit, my house has also miraclously gained 2 feet in width and 18 feet in length. Changes in housing code are not normally retroactive, with existing buildings and uses "grandfathered" in as new regulations are adopted. Thus, if the city of Minneapolis did not require paint on my home's trim in 1887 and in fact for decades abdicated any right of enforcement of even the modest code of those times it cannot require same today. Let me reassure the city that I do not intend to reinstall the outhouse in the back yard though- it's site is now a most fertile garden.
Then there are the issues of federal preemption. Local lore has it that the row of homes that includes mine was built by a local railroad as employee housing. Now I'm not suggesting something as grand as Milwaukee Avenue exists here, the Soo Line obviously used the abundant softwoods along their northern route rather than the Milwaukee Road's expensive brick. Then again, the Soo did not go extravangantly bankrupt like the Milwaukee did. However, the Milwaukee was so exquisite a railroad that such trifling financial matters are long forgotten. Railroads being creatures of federal law are pretty much beyond the reach of Minneapolis housing and other codes; This may explain why railroad facilities are such splendid repositories of peeling paint, etc.. The Soo Line pretty much no longer exists, having been entirely absorbed by owner Canadian Pacific after nearly a century of operating as a paper corporation. However, title to my humble little railroader's residence at Sluyter's Corner never was surrendered to the Canadian Pacific conglomerate and as such Sluyter's Corner is one of the last remaining assets of the abandoned Soo Line railroad. Of course, under the federal Rails to Trails Act all the many bits of Soo Line and other forgotten railroad properties are preserved and must be relinquished to rail use should railroad operations be reestablished.
This means not only does the City of Minneapolis have no power to tell my Soo Line railroad when to paint it's trim, but they may have to get there retched asphalt off of my railroad's tracks. Observant list members may have noticed the unmistakable bit of polished rail glimmering in the occasional pothole, evidence that many of our railroads were buried alive beneath our streets rather than torn up. Traveling down many a city street you will find 2 parallel cracks in the pavement fifty six and one half inches apart, the standard gauge for american railroad tracks. A train running down our city streets would do wonders for traffic calming! Railroads also have the power of eminent domain over cities, and one has to admit that our city hall would make one hell of a railroad station and home office for the new Soo Line. I suspect our our mayor and council could get a good deal on renting office space in the old Soo Line building, and housing inspections could be transferred to some unheated storage building. Railroads also have the authority to establish their own Railroad Police with full police powers to deal with any city housing inspectors and such trespassing on their property.
I'll deal with ADA preemption of Minneapolis' housing code in the wake of the cities failure to require accessable housing construction at Heritage Park, etc.. in a later post....Hey.,I'm just gettin' started!
in best humor from Sluyter's Corner in Hawthorne,
Dyna Sluyter
TEMPORARY REMINDER: 1. Don't feed the troll! Ignore obvious flame-bait. 2. If you don't like what's being discussed here, don't complain - change the subject (Mpls-specific, of course.)
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