April 1, 2004
For immediate release
The MN Fanny Council and a group of visiting
Pashtun religous scholars today announced plans to
hang inflatable "sex dolls" in effigy in public
places.
Soon commuters will be startled by the sight of
life size female figures hanging from lampposts and
bridges. Some will be modestly attired. Others will be
naked.
"We want to send a message to loose women
everywhere" the Fanny Council spokesman said.
"We were inspired by the movie "The Handmaid's
Tale", the spokesman said.
The Pashtun religous scholars live in war-torn
border areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan. The visiting
religious scholars will conduct a mock execution of an
inflatable "sex doll" in a publicly owned stadium.
"In our native Afghanistan, loose women were
executed in the national soccer stadium", a religious
scholar said. The Afghan soccer stadium was built with
aid from the international community.
"This is why we believe that publicly funded
stadiums are a good investment", the Fanny Council
spokesman said.
SPECIAL INVITATION TO ADVANCE SCREENING OF
"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN
You are invited to an advance screening of the
State of Minnesota's Civic Unity advertising campaign.
Actors will portray Kunta Kinte, Spartacus and a
Dakota leader.
Kunta Kinte of "Roots" fame:
"My name is Kunta Kinte and I learned my lesson.
I ran away and they whipped me. Then they cut my foot
in half. I'll never run away again! Resistance is
futile! Get back on the bus!
A Kirk Douglas look-alike will portray Spartacus
hanging from the cross. 6,000 of Spartacus' followers
were crucified after his rebellion was crushed.
"My name is Spartacus and I learned my lesson.
Resistance is futile!"
38 Native Americans are standing on a giant gallows
in Mankato after the Dakota Conflict. A Dakota leader
looks into the camera and says:
"My name is Chief --- and I learned my lesson.
Resistance is futile! Give up the casino money! I will
fight no more forever.
Ed Fesler [EMAIL PROTECTED] Minneapolis
Corcoran
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