LAWNS & GOD!
GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in that area you call Minneapolis? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan for that place. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles with houses on them.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Minneapolitans. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. They even passed laws that all the people had to do so.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Minneapolitans really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. They even fine people who let wildflowers and weeds grow.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Minneapolitans and their government happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week. In Minneapolis the government fines anyone who does not.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. In Minneapolis they pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Minneapolitans must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. The many varieties add variation, beauty, and keep all the trees healthy. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Minneapolitans have drawn a new circle. The Minneapolis government requires that only the same variety be planted next to each other around those squares of grass . As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. How do they keep disease, and insects that carry disease, from passing from one tree to the other in Minneapolis? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: In Minneapolis they cut those trees down and plant another variety down the same line next to each other. As for leaves, after throwing away all the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story of Minneapolis from St. Francis.
_______________________________________________________________________
Now you folks get out there and rake, fertilize, and cut your grass this weekend. OR, instead take a walk down the river and enjoy God's wonderful gift of variety and beauty, and those weeds she thought were flowers.
Jim Graham,
Ventura Village, Where the sun shines brighter and the grass grows greener (to be cut).
"Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present"<
REMINDERS: 1. Be civil! Please read the NEW RULES at http://www.e-democracy.org/rules. If you think a member is in violation, contact the list manager at [EMAIL PROTECTED] before continuing it on the list.
2. Don't feed the troll! Ignore obvious flame-bait.
For state and national discussions see: http://e-democracy.org/discuss.html For external forums, see: http://e-democracy.org/mninteract ________________________________
Minneapolis Issues Forum - A Civil City-focused Civic Discussion - Mn E-Democracy Post messages to: mailto:[email protected] Subscribe, Un-subscribe, etc. at: http://e-democracy.org/mpls
