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"I DON'T FIT IN"

    A friend of mine witnessed what I am about to tell you.
    Several years ago, a well dressed older gentleman entered an
elevator in a tall office building, apparently consumed with whatever
business he was taking care of that day.
    It was mid-afternoon of the work day, and there were only three
people on that elevator -- the gentleman, a middle-aged woman and my
friend -- all being transported down to the street level.
    Out of the blue, the woman starts crying.  Taken aback, the
gentleman and my friend didn't know what to say or do.
    "I'm sorry.  I'm making a spectacle of myself," said the woman,
sobbing and searching her purse for a handkerchief.  The gentleman
offered her his.  "Thank you," she said, "I just don't know anymore.
I'm usually not like this, but I just don't know anymore."
    "I'm sure everything will turn out fine -- don't you worry, Miss,"
he said.
    "No.  No.  It's not that.  I have so much to be grateful for," she
said as she shook her head.  "It's not what you think."
    Not wanting to pry, her elevator mates stood speechless.
    "It's just that I don't fit in.  I've never fit in.  I do everything

I'm supposed to do, but I don't feel like I belong," she said, wiping
the tears from her eyes.
    The elevator continued its downward journey as the distraught woman
tried to compose herself.
    "I'm so embarrassed.  You'll have to pardon me.  Things have just
caught up to me," she said.
    "Miss, I have something I want to tell you, if you have just a
minute," the old man said.  The elevator opened as they reached the
lobby.
    "Oh yes, please, I need to get my mind focused on something," she
said.
    They left the elevator and walked into the busy lobby.  The old man
turned to my friend, and invited him to join them.  By this time, my
friend's curiosity had got the best of him.
    The old man's face had some well worn lines.  His gray hair bespoke
of his experience, and his dark eyes peered over his bifocals, lending
confidence to his words.
    "I don't know what your situation is Ma'am," he said politely.
"However, I was in the same boat many years ago.  And while I was in my
little personal crisis, I felt the same way.  Moreover, I came to find
out that everyone, sooner or later, feels like they don't fit in."
    "Sometimes it happens early in life in school.  Teenagers are thrown
together with strangers and told to fit in.  It's almost an impossible
situation.  Then, the same thing happens at work, or with your neighbors
at home.  You always feel like you are the odd man out.  Everyone else
seems to be happy.  They look comfortable.  They look like they belong,
and you always feel like you are an intrusion.  I know all about that,"
said the old man.
    "I know exactly what you're saying," the woman said as she nodded in
agreement.
    "A lot of people avoid those feelings by limiting contact.  Watching
television, or reading books, or sitting in front of a computer provides
a comfort zone, and if you can afford to do that, I suppose that's fine
if that's what you want to do.  However, for many of us, the real world
cannot be escaped.  We have to work.  We have to make a living.  And we
have to interact with relatives and strangers in settings everyday.
And, Ma'am, this is what I want to tell you..."
    "You see, it's all in how you look at it.  Some people face those
feelings and settings with a sense of adventure.  Others face the same
situation with dread.  Yes, we all have different personalities and some
of us are more sensitive and vulnerable than others.  However, if you
can
remember just a couple of things, it will make your life a whole lot
easier," he said.
    "Do you work in this building?" he asked.
    "Yes," she said.
    "Well, this is my first time here and I had no idea where I was
going, and had never met the person I was going to see.  Now, who is the
one who feels like they don't fit in?" he asked.  "But, somehow, I got
through it, and I'll be walking out that front door in a minute without
a scratch."
She and my friend chuckled.
    "You can safely assume that the people you are interacting with feel
as out of place as you do.  So, you simply practice the Golden Rule and
make them feel as comfortable as you can.  They don't teach the Golden
Rule in school, so this is something you have to pick up along the way.
Suffice it to say, if you make others feel comfortable, they will
reciprocate."
    "Second, remember that in order to sense that feeling of belonging,
you have to feel you belong to yourself.  In other words, if you aren't
settled and comfortable with yourself first, you'll be a fish out of
water.
Be confident about what you believe.  Be true to your feelings.  You
don't have to pretend to be someone else.  Just be yourself and let the
world appreciate what you have to offer.  Everyone is good at something,
including you.  Offer what you are good at, and who knows, maybe the
world might even pay you for it!", the old man said as he started to
laugh.
    "You're not alone," he said as he patted the woman's shoulder.
"Don't go nuts trying to force yourself to fit in.  There are too many
holes and too many pegs out there to even try.  Just have a little faith
in yourself, associate with people who lift you up, and you'll soon find
folks coming to you for help.  And when you get lost in helping them,
you won't even think about fitting in.  At that point, you won't be
looking at life, you'll be a part of it."
    "Oh, thank you," she said, as the old man walked toward the street.
    My friend just stood there, not saying a word.  At that split second
of awkwardness, the woman and my friend extended their hands and shook.
"Nice to meet you," they both said at the same time.  And then, just as
quickly and imultaneously, they said, "Have a nice day," as they both
went in different directions.
    While they never knew each others' names, it was a flash encounter
they would never forget.

author unknown

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