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In spite of the lousy management and coaching staff it's a pretty impressive team!
September 11, 2001
Dear Taliban, Mr. Bin Laden, Mr. Arafat, and Mr. Hussein, et al:
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an
old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no
rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time. Since this game is
a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory
celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.
While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn
at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now...Batter up!
Our team line up is as follows:
Manager ~ George W. Bush
Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney
Head Coach ~ Colin Powell
Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher ~ Norman Schwartzkoff
1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy
3rd Base ~ U.S. Air Force
Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army
Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen
Umpire ~ None Required
* remember - the manager told you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation!
Pinch hitters as needed ~
U.S. Navy SEALS
U.S. Army Green Berets
U.S. Army Rangers
U.S. Air Force PJs
Delta Force
And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom
5th Base ~ Russia
6th Base ~ China
Other Bases (as desired) ~ Pakistan, Japan, Germany, France, Spain, Italy Turkistan
and lots of other ...stans" and more.
Opening Ceremonies:
Vocal 1: Celine Dion ~ The Star Spangled Banner
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America
Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The U.S.A.
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
You may choose whoever you want for your team ... it won't really matter (even if you
all shave), our guys are gonna win!!!
Sincerely,
On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America.
P.S. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; 'cause your ass
is ours!
Goodbye
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