<~*~><~*~>< Humor-Exprezz
<~*~><~*~>< You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. GET YOUR FREE* Fire & Ice Thermos Grill! Send me info on how I can get my FREE Fire & Ice Thermos Grill. It's a full size grill plus an ice cooler! Sign up now for TopFreeGifts email newsletters! http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=436&w=text <~*~><~*~> In The News <~*~><~*~> A man who tried to impress his wife by setting up a break-in at their home in Oklahoma, has been arrested. Reports say that the man, a school teacher, recruited two students to break into the house and then staged the break-in to make himself look like a hero and salvage his marriage. Police said they launched a major response after receiving reports of intruders in the man's house. Officers from two shifts and the K-9 unit responded. This search took several hours. The "Superhero" now faces a charge of filing a false police report and possible charges from the his employer, the school system for involving students in the farce. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Spam Killer http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=437&w=text Statistics show that even after the implementation of the 2004 Can-Spam-Act, as high as 70% of all email is spam. Almost 3 of every 4 email messages you get are junk! How are you handling it? Stop wasting your time, end your frustration and stop spam once and for all with this easy to use software, SpamKillerPro. For a limited time you also get Internet Accelerator and Computer Privacy Pro with purchase. http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=437&w=text <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Toons: Trucker Soup http://www.squirtsplace.com/funnypics/truckerssoup.jpg First Date http://justadultshavingfun.250free.com/Sept2004/092904_FirstDate.jpg Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Links: Human Mind Tests http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/tv/humanmind/index.shtml Homemade Restaurant Food <a href=" http://www.topsecretrecipes.com/ "> aol</a> Jiz games <a href=" http://www.wtv-zone.com/jizoint546/jizgames.html "> aol</a> Jokeworm Jokes <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/cleanjokes/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Want More Even More Fun? Subscribe to Toonz-N-Linkz and You get the latest in funny toons, crazy links, and amusing pics. Click and send on the email below: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> 9 Types Of Girlfriends 1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have." Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, or a Doormat Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday. 2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?" Also Known As: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady Advantages: Pays attention to you. Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans 3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps." Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious 4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what? 5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?" Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed 6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. It should be fun!" Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs 7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at" Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you. Disadvantages: You will have no friends. 8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship" Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud and often in public places. 9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel." Also Known As: A Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> 9 Types Of Boyfriends 1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, okay?" Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy 2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk Advantages: Stays put; predictable Disadvantages: Pain in the rear 3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle 4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig 5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead Advantages: Well rested; easy target Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams 6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt Disadvantages: May be having time of his life 7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like a couple of love starved pigs." Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova Advantages: Perpetually aroused Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused 8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--" Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool Advantages: Tells good stories Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus" 9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed alley cats in heat on my new yacht." Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Welcome to Stumpy's 24-hour Computer helpline. If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> GET YOUR FREE* Fire & Ice Thermos Grill! Send me info on how I can get my FREE Fire & Ice Thermos Grill. It's a full size grill plus an ice cooler! Sign up now for TopFreeGifts email newsletters! http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=436&w=text Spam Killer http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=437&w=text Statistics show that even after the implementation of the 2004 Can-Spam-Act, as high as 70% of all email is spam. Almost 3 of every 4 email messages you get are junk! How are you handling it? Stop wasting your time, end your frustration and stop spam once and for all with this easy to use software, SpamKillerPro. For a limited time you also get Internet Accelerator and Computer Privacy Pro with purchase. http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=437&w=text Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... 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