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Humor-Exprezz
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YOU CAN PLAY your own musical instrument INSTANTLY!
You are invited to join the family of EZ Music Notes & More.
A fun and sharing zine with easy play instruments, methods, tips,
featured friends, inspirational and business helps and much more.
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In The News
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Someone has been overturning portable toilets at
construction sites in Georgia and several firms have
complained.
"Would you want to be 'during your business' and
the room is over turned on you?" asked one irritated
foreman?
It costs the companies to clean up the mess and their
stinky employees are outraged.
Police officers plan to step up patrols in areas where
the vandalism has occurred.
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Microsoft confirmed Bill Gates, Microsoft chairman,
receives millions of Internet messages a day, most
of it spam.
Microsoft has special technology that just filters spam
intended for Gates. In addition, numerous Microsoft
employees are dedicated to just ensuring that nothing
unwanted gets into his inbox.
"Literally there's a whole department that takes care of
it," says a company chief executive.
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Is Target better than Wal-Mart?
Tell us which store you prefer.
Answer now and get $10!
Complete our very short survey, and you'll be on your way
to receiving $10 CASH! What a deal!
<a href=" http://a.websponsors.com/c/s=29539/c=49055/ "> aol</a>
I search the web so you don't have to.
NobleEd News provides you weekly Website
Recommendations,tons of Educational Freebies and
a Feature Article. You can read the latest Edition at
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To subscribe go to http://www.NobleEdNews.com
and put your e-mail address in the subscribe box.
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Today's Toons:
Prunes
<a href=" http://www.squirtsplace.com/SFS2004/prunes.jpg "> aol</a>
10 Passenger Beetle
< href=" http://www.starlimos.de/images/unusual/kaefer.jpg "> aol</a>
Meatballs
<a href=" http://terrisfp.com/t50/meatballs.html "> aol</a>
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http://www.humor-exprezz.com
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Shirley's RessyPees
Be sure to try out Miz Shirley's
"RESSYPEES"
She is a powerful good cook,
and shes sharin notes...
To Join up Send a blank E_Mail to:
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If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply,
because they will soon stop making it.
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Today's Links:
Steal It Back
<a href=" http://www.stealitback.com "> aol</a>
Unclaimed Baggage Center
<a href=" http://www.unclaimedbaggage.com/ "> aol</a>
Cats Watching Cats
http://www.infinitecat.com/infinite/cat-html/52.html
Jokeworm Trivia
<a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/trivia/ "> click</a>
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Things You Will Never Hear Women Say:
You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I
don't blame you for ignoring me.
That was fun, when will all of your friends be
over to watch football again?
While you were in the bathroom, they went for
it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold
them to a field goal they'll still cover.
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your
ex-girlfriend has class.
That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool,
I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends,
tell me more.
I like using this new lawn mower so much more
than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's
Day present!
Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then
you don't have to mess with it anymore.
I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think
I'll ever change it again.
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While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
New York, I got a call from the Navy in a nearby
city. They had lost contact with one of their planes
and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to
find it.
I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last
been spotted so we would know where to search.
"I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."
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I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two
years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern: I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains and blood from an
accident road scene. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper
since the people who make these products are atheists
who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer
drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the bugs and things ill-tempered employees stuff in for
fun. I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because
I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I
no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I
smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to
shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since
they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. I no longer shop at
Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone
bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer eat margarine because it is one molecule away
from being plastic and flies won't even eat it. I no longer
buy anything from Procter & Gamble because when you
say their name backwards three times in the ancient
Mandarin language that was used in Uganda by left handed
unmarried males living south of the river during the third
century, it is praising the devil.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take
my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full
of ice. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my Free replacement pair from
Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry
about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail
program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much
for looking out for me!
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