Email for: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Self Help Books Weekly Newsletter - Week of December 7-8, 2004 Publishers: David and Michelle Riklan - http://www.selfgrowth.com
--------------------------------------------------- If you read Self Improvement Books, this free newsletter is for you. Information on new book releases, best sellers, book reviews, excerpts, special promotions, interviews with the authors & more. This is an opt-in, by request only newsletter. Subscriber information is listed at the bottom of this email. --------------------------------------------------- Send all questions to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Phone: (732) 761-9930 In this issue: -> Sponsor of the Week -> What�s New? Self-Help NEW BOOK RELEASES � December 7-8, 2004 -> Self-Improvement Book Store -> What Are People Reading? AMAZON.com Top 5 BEST SELLERS for Self Help -> Book Excerpt: Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life � By Barbara G. Markway, Ph.D., and Gregory P. Markway, Ph.D. -> Book Excerpt: Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips � By Elizabeth Pantley -> Book Review: The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness � By Stephen R. Covey -> How to subscribe and unsubscribe to this newsletter -> How to recommend our newsletter to your friends --------------------------------------------------- ** SPONSOR of the WEEK ** --------------------------------------------------- Learn Money-Making Business Secrets of the World's Highest Paid SUPER CONSULTANT If you own or run a profit based business or have a promising money-making idea you're about to become a lot wealthier, a lot sooner than you expected. World famous marketing genius and business growth expert, Jay Abraham, wants to make YOUR business or idea a small (or large) fortune in the next 12 months. And he's willing to do it for you at his expense and risk not yours. http://www.agora-inc.com/reports/700SJABG/W700EB10/ --------------------------------------------------- Self-Help NEW BOOK RELEASES � December 7-8, 2004 --------------------------------------------------- 1) What's It Like Being You? Living Life As Your True Self � By John-Roger, D.S.S. with Paul Kaye, D.S.S. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1893020258/selfimprovemeonlA/ 2) The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse � By Gregg Easterbrook http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0812973038/selfimprovemeonlA/ 3) The Runner's High: Illumination and Ecstasy in Motion � By Garth Battista (Editor) http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1891369490/selfimprovemeonlA/ 4) Voices of Alzheimer's: Courage, Humor, Hope, and Love in the Face of Dementia � By Betsy Peterson http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0738209627/selfimprovemeonlA/ --------------------------------------------------- *** SELF-IMPROVEMENT BOOK STORE *** --------------------------------------------------- * Improve Your Child's Practical Life Skills * Teach your child personal development and emotional skills in a fun way such as dealing with bullies, being assertive, facing fear, dealing with strangers, and solving problems to name a few. Visit www.oikosglobal.com "Name the Top 3 Things You Want in Life" ...then use your computer for 10 minutes a day to make them come true. That's right. If you can spare just 10 minutes a day - I'll show you the secret of living the life you dream of! Visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/affirmware.html The Psychology of Achievement - by Brian Tracy Soar to new heights of success and achievement! This remarkable program reveals strategies to elevate your income, put your career on the fast track and accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible. Unlock the secret to doubling your brainpower and sharpening your intuition. Discover the key to erasing negative emotions. Master a foolproof 12-point formula that quadruples productivity. http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/achievement2.html --------------------------------------------------- *** AMAZON.com Top 5 BEST SELLERS for Self Help *** --------------------------------------------------- 1) He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys � By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=068987474X/selfimprovemeon1A/ 2) The Games Do Count: America's Best and Brightest on the Power of Sports � By Brian Kilmeade http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0060736739/selfimprovemeonlA/ 3) The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness � By Stephen R. Covey http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684846659/selfimprovemeonlA/ 4) The Experts' Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do � By Samantha Ettus http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1400052564/selfimprovemeonlA/ 5) The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way � By Dr. Wayne W. Dyer http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1401902154/selfimprovemeonlA/ --------------------------------------------------- *** BOOK EXCERPT: Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life � By Barbara G. Markway, Ph.D., and Gregory P. Markway, Ph.D. *** --------------------------------------------------- What Is Social Anxiety? Social anxiety is a universal experience�one that's necessary for survival. Perhaps it was easier to see its survival value in previous times, when people had to band together to hunt food, build shelter, and ward off enemies. Social anxiety served the function of keeping people close to the "pack." To veer off from the group was to risk death. Even now, we've evolved in such a way that we're motivated to remain a part of the group. We want to be accepted. We want to fit in. Thus, some social anxiety is normal and beneficial. After all, people who never care about others' opinions are often not very pleasant to be around and have a completely different set of problems. But what exactly is social anxiety? It's the experience of apprehension or worry that arises from the possibility, either real or imagined, that one will be evaluated or judged in some manner by others. We know, this definition is a mouthful. Perhaps it's easier to explain what social anxiety is by listing some ordinary, everyday examples: - embarrassment after spilling a drink - "stage fright" before a big performance - awkwardness while talking to someone you don't know well - nervousness during a job interview - feeling jittery before giving a speech These are common experiences almost everyone has had at one time or another. Since social anxiety is so universal, how do you know where your reactions fall? Are they within the range of normal? Or like Gina and Jim, does your social anxiety pose more of a problem? In other words, how can you tell when social anxiety becomes social anxiety disorder�a clinical diagnosis? Recognizing Social Anxiety Disorder Mental health professionals frequently use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders�Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) to make diagnostic decisions. While it's not a perfect system, diagnoses are important for a number of reasons. Without a name for the problem, research vital to understanding a problem and developing effective treatments for it simply doesn't take place. On a practical level, if you try to receive mental health services for a problem that has no diagnosis, you're not likely to get your health insurance to pay. Let's look at the specific criteria that must be met for a clinical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. The DSM-IV says an individual with social anxiety disorder will: - Show significant and persistent fear of social situations in which embarrassment or rejection may occur; - Experience immediate anxiety-driven, physical reactions to feared social situations; - Realize that his or her fears are greatly exaggerated, but feel powerless to do anything about them; and - Often avoid the dreaded social situation�at any cost. Someone may fear just one or a few social situations�public speaking being a common example�in which case the problem is referred to as a specific, or discrete social phobia. In contrast, generalized social anxiety disorder exists when a person is afraid and avoids many, or most social situations. Once these basic criteria are met for a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder, the individual symptoms can vary, but they generally fall into three categories: the cognitive or mental symptoms (what you think); the physical reactions (how your body feels); and the behavioral avoidance (what you do). Let's look at these areas in more detail. The mental anguish People with social anxiety disorder are plagued with negative thoughts and doubts about themselves such as: - Do I look okay? - Am I dressed appropriately? - Will I know what to talk about? - Will I sound stupid, or boring? - What if other people don't like me? - What if people notice I'm nervous? - What if people think I'm too quiet? The fear of possible rejection or disapproval is foremost in socially anxious people's minds, and they scan for any signs that confirm their negative expectations. Let's look at an example. Imagine that George has gathered his nerve to talk to a woman he frequently sees in the break room at work. He has a topic of conversation planned out ahead of time, something fairly neutral such as the nice weather they've been enjoying lately. When George starts talking to her she seems friendly enough, but she yawns several times. George manages to get through the brief conversation, but when he's back at his desk, he berates himself for his performance. He attacks himself: How could I be so stupid as to talk about the weather? Anyone would find that boring. No wonder she was yawning. She must think I'm a complete idiot. George didn't consider any other explanation for her yawning; the whole situation was distorted based on his fears and expectations. Alternative explanations, such as maybe the woman had been up late, hadn't even made it into his consciousness. The pain that such pervasive, negative-thinking patterns cause cannot be underestimated. Without appropriate intervention, these kinds of self-deprecating thoughts can lead to many other complications, including low self-esteem and deep feelings of inferiority. The list price for this book is $13.95. To purchase it for $10.46 at a 25% discount from Amazon.com, go directly to http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0312316232/selfimprovemeonlA/ --------------------------------------------------- *** BOOK EXCERPT: Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips � By Elizabeth Pantley *** --------------------------------------------------- COMPLAINING Situation: My child gripes and complains whenever he's asked to do something. He does what he's told, but he sure lets me know how unhappy he is with the situation. Think about it: Learning to do the things we must, even when we don't want to, is a process of maturity. (And even the most mature among us are heard to utter a complaint now and then!) Understanding how to voice our opinions in a proper and respectful way is a learned skill. - Restate the complaint in the way you want to hear it. If a child says, "Yuck! I hate this green stuff!" You respond, "What I'd like to hear you say is, 'Dad, I don't care for spinach.'" - Let your child know you are going to ignore complaining - and do just that. When you ask your child to do something and he responds with a complaint, just repeat your request and walk out of the room. - Use the broken record technique. Continue to repeat your request in a bland, unemotional way. Your child will tire of hearing it and get the message that you're not going to give up. - Tell your child what you want to hear. "Snidely, I'll be happy to listen to you when you use a normal voice and give more thought to your comments." Then end the discussion. - After the child has voiced his complaint respond by saying, "Okay, I've heard your problem. What do you think are some possible solutions?" Do not ask in an angry, sarcastic way, but to encourage your child to think of ways to solve his own problem. - Make sure you're not modeling complaining behavior with such comments as, "Why can't you put your stuff away? I'm the only one who does anything around here. You kids never clean up after yourselves. . . ." (Incidentally, all this is usually said as a monologue as the parent walks through the house picking up after the kids! This behavior clearly demonstrates complaining at its best.) INTERRUPTING Situation: My husband and I haven't finished a complete sentence since last July! Our children interrupt our conversations constantly. Even while I'm asking them to wait until we're done talking they're busy interrupting my request! Think about it: Many parents admonish kids for interrupting, but in the same breath respond to the child's interrupted request! Interrupting is habit forming. Like many annoying behaviors, once kids figure out that they can "get away with it," the behavior will continue. - Teach your child how to determine if something warrants an interruption. Children often are so focused on their own needs that they don't really absorb the fact that they're being rude. Teach your child to wait for a pause in the conversation and to say, "Excuse me." When she does this, respond positively. If the interruption is of a nature that it can and should wait, politely inform your child of this and then continue talking. - Tell your child that if she wants something when you are talking to another adult, she should walk up to you and gently squeeze your arm. You will then squeeze her hand to indicate that you know she is there and will be with her in a minute. At first, respond rather quickly so your child can see the success of this method. Over time you can wait longer, just give a gentle squeeze every few minutes to remind your child that you remember the request. - Pause, look your child in the eye, and say, "I'll be with you in a minute." Then turn your face, body and attention away from your child. Do not engage your child with repeated pleas for her to stop. If your child continues to interrupt, motion to the person you're talking with to walk away with you. - Praise your child for using good manners, remembering to say "excuse me," and for interrupting only for a valid reason. LISTENING, NOT Situation: My kid doesn't listen to me! I have to repeat myself over and over. Even then he doesn't do what I've asked. When I remind him, he looks at me with that befuddled look that says, "Huh? You were talking to ME?" Think about it: Sounds like your child has what is commonly known as "Selective Hearing." (In other words, you can shout at him to take out the trash, and it's as if he has cotton in his ears, but if you whisper that you'll take him out for ice cream, his hearing becomes incredibly sharp!) The good news is that this malady is easily cured when you use the following solutions. - When you make a request, be certain you have your child's attention by touching his arm or hand, and making eye contact. Make a clear, simple statement. As an example, do not call from three rooms away, "Time to go!" A better choice is to go to your child, look him eyeball to eyeball and make a very specific request, "Fester, please put on your shoes and coat and get in the car." - If your child doesn't respond to your request, ask that he repeat back to you what you said, "Fester, what is it I want you to do?" Once the child has repeated your request, you know that he's heard you, (and he knows that you know that he heard you) and he's more likely to follow through. - Make sure you are not encouraging the behavior by nagging or making requests that you don't follow through on. If you typically repeat yourself three or four or twelve times before you take action, your child will learn that he can ignore you the first few times, because all he'll suffer is having to listen to the drone of your voice. - Keep your requests brief and to the point. As an example, say you want your child to get ready for bed. Don't launch into a ten-minute lecture on the value of sleep, the importance of getting up on time, the fact that Tuesday is a school night, and why you are sick-and-tired-of-going-through-this-every-night, etc. Limit yourself to a few important words, such as, "Nine o'clock. Bedtime." - Use action instead of words. Instead of complaining about the pile of dirty socks in the family room, simply pick them up and hand them to your child. Kids are remarkably perceptive when handed a wad of dirty laundry. Note: Have a doctor check your child's hearing to be sure there is not a physical problem preventing your child from hearing to you. The list price for this book is $14.95. To purchase it for $10.17 at a 32% discount from Amazon.com, go directly to http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0809228475/selfimprovemeonlA/ --------------------------------------------------- *** BOOK REVIEW: The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness � By Stephen R. Covey *** --------------------------------------------------- The original seven habits of highly successful people are still relevant, but Covey, author of the mega-bestseller of that title, says that the new Information/Knowledge Worker Age, exemplified by the Internet, calls for an eighth habit to achieve personal and organizational excellence: "Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs." Covey sees leadership "as a choice to deal with people in a way that will communicate to them their worth and potential so clearly they will come to see it in themselves." His holistic approach starts with developing one's own voice, one's "unique personal significance." The bulk of the book details how, after finding your own voice, you can inspire others and create a workplace where people feel engaged. This includes establishing trust, searching for third alternatives (not a compromise between your way and my way, but a third, better way) and developing a shared vision. This book isn't easy going; less business jargon and more practical examples would have made this livelier and more helpful. But if organizations operated with Covey's ideas�and ideals�most people would undoubtedly find work much more satisfying. Copyright � Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. The list price for this book is $26.00. To purchase it for $15.60 at a 40% discount from Amazon.com, go directly to http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0684846659/selfimprovemeonlA/ --------------------------------------------------- *** HOW TO SUBSCRIBE and BE REMOVED FROM THIS NEWSLETTER*** To subscribe to our newsletter, please go to our Subscriptions Page at http://www.selfimprovementnewsletters.com To be removed from this newsletter, send a blank email to unknown lmsubst tag argument: '' or for many emails programs just click below: mailto:unknown lmsubst tag argument: '' --------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------- *** HOW TO RECOMMEND OUR NEWSLETTER TO YOUR FRIENDS *** If you have found our free Self Improvement Newsletter inspiring, beneficial, interesting or entertaining, don't forget to recommend it to your friends. The process is quick and easy. Just go to http://www.selfgrowth.com/freegift.html <a href=http://www.selfgrowth.com/freegift.html>Click Here</a> --------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER The contents herein are solely the opinions of Self Improvement Online editors, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. Self Improvement Online, Inc. assumes no responsibility for injury and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied for any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought. COPYRIGHT (C) 2003 by Self Improvement Online, Inc. 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